If Only...

I feel really depressed nowadays because I lost my step dad a month ago and I feel really lonely because he is the one that raised me to be a strong independent woman and now I feel really lost these days without him.
It is very hard for me because I am also single and I wish I had a boyfriend to love and comfort me, the truth is that the last past 5 years I only took care of my dad he was terminally ill and I didn't have the time for romance at all I neglected my love life and now I am sorry for that.
My dad last wish was he being able to attend to my wedding if I ever gonna be married and raise my kids, and now he is gone, if I will ever get married he will not be there because he is now gone forever.
I don't know why life has to be that cruel, I just don't understand...