Bi Male Confessions

I have many confessions , obsessions , sexual addictions. Perhaps too many to bore you all with. But here is an overview of my sordid past and mind. Feel free to judge and comment.

I am married ( to a female ) have mainly had a straight life . However since an early age I have had devious and kinky desires and fantasies and have indulged in masturbation , heavily.
My first gf was a kinky slut with a checkered past which obviously warped her teenage brain. We indulged in various sexual acts, and looking back we must have thought it was fantastic at the time ( it was ) . But probably fuelled one another's sexual minds for the rest of our lives.
We split up btw , but I still jerk off about our experiences.

My bi side has always been strong , but no idea where it stems from ,

I have had bisexual thoughts since I was under ten years old.
Played with my cousins cock at 11.
Sucked my best friends cock at 15.
Had m2m fun on and off since.
Has fantasies about most hot guys I meet .
Masturbate about gang bangs , doctor or masseuses taking advantage of me.
Fantasies of retired guys on nudist beaches fucking me.
And at the moment have a yearning to fuck a hot black guys ass.

Then there are the hetro fantasies ,
I wank off over most of my friends wives and gfs. Have jerked off with their underwear on occasion.
Have shared looooong jerk off sessions with men online over various secrets and fantasies.
Wank off on cam with various strangers.
Most women I meet I instantly wonder what they have on as underwear , what they like in bed etc.
Fantasies of wife share.

As I say , I have lots of obsessions.

I still fuck the hell out of my wife and love buying her sexy lingerie and enjoy bondage sex with her.
She is great in bed but doesn't know half the shit that gets me if and has no idea I'm bi.

I resist indulging most of my desires with her , and others in real life.
Am I denying myself my true calling ? Extreme pleasure?

Or am I short changing both sides of me , or striking a happy balance ?

I would love to hear anybody else's thoughts or struggles about this. Just so I know I'm not alone in this sexual frustration I feel.

Or Perhaps I share a common closet Bi trait , I want my cake and eat it.

Thanks for reading my ... Issues ?
Not sure if typing this has helped , but what the hell.