Addicted To The Hobby

This past week I cheated on my wife with a prostitute. This was the 13th time. It's been 4 years since the last time. I thought I'd kicked the habit, but some very triggering things happened this last month and I found myself ruminating on past sexual exploits. I started visiting posting for escorts and one thing led to another. I kept telling myself that i wasn't going to do it. But then I booked a hotel. I told myself I wouldn't go to the hotel and just stand up the escort. What did I owe her anyway? But I knew I'd be there. And I did go. I hate myself for going and yet I couldn't not go. It's as if someone else was in control of my actions. I met the woman at my hotel door and then we undressed and I was totally into it. I'm ashamed and hurt and feel that I can never truly break free of my lusts. I don't want to hurt my wife and I certainly didn't need to see this escort. My rational brain cannot make sense of this.