Living A New Life

I went to college in Seattle, grad school at Berkley. I graduated with a strong sense of female power, I was a feminist activist, a lesbian activist. My then partner left, no notice, no communication, she walked out. I had never felt rejection like that. Hurt in a way I didn't understand I went home to sulk.

My hometown didn't offer a lesbian scene, my same age women were married or getting married. A feminist was not wanted or accepted, I was called a bitch once too many times. I thought about returning to SF. But life interfered. At my parent's 30 year anniversary a man, a friend of the family, took me to his house and I slept with him. My first ever male sexual encounter. I didn't tell him that, nor that I am a lesbian, nor voicing any feminist views.

He is older, 19 years. For a few weeks I spent time with him, I slept with him a few more times. I left for SF and got a job and eased back into the feminist lesbian scene. I could not get back, the activism got on my nerves, I didn't like being around that scene. I spent hours talking on the phone to that man. I let him come and get me and take me back with him. I live with him now.

I don't think I can explain this turn of events. He talks, I listen. I rarely take a position that goes against him. It's easier to just go along. I'm working now, a job at the bank. It's hard for me to remember good feelings of those years I lived with my then lesbian partner.