Repressed Homosexual

I was newly divorced at 33 after a 10 yr marriage to a woman I loved but had no real sexual attraction to. Throughout my teens and 20's I had gay fantasies that I tried to suppress and thought marriage would cure me of them .When in bed with my ex wife during the marriage I would think of older men in order to orgasm and felt terribly guilty about it.

At first when I was newly single in the late 80's I went to singles bars thinking maybe I would meet a hot woman who would take my mind off these desires .Instead I would be checking out the men in the bars especially guys over 40 and masturbate at home after wards thinking about having sex with them .One night in a bar I met this divorced guy around my age who told me if he did not score with a woman he would go this hotel bar that was known to be frequented by men looking for sex with men and let some guy blow him in that guy's hotel room .There were lots of traveling business types married and single there who looked for gay liaisons when travelling for business .His admission turned me on and I could not stop thinking about what happened at this hotel bar .I went home and masturbated hard that night imagining I went to the bar for sex.

I thought about this for a couple months and finally got the nerve to go to the hotel bar .I got dressed up nice and splashed on some cologne .I looked in the mirror seeing a tall straight looking lean guy with wavy thick hair who had no issue attracting women .Now I felt a surge of excitement and desire knowing I was going to a place to attract male attention .I was attracted to older masculine guys so hope for their attention.

I got to the bar which was a nice place with some guy singing at a piano and a long bar. I nervously made my way to the bar and had a drink .I lit up a cigarette and waited. At first there was only several men there but later the bar filled up with men .An older tall distinguished gent with short grey hair ,moustache and glasses around 60 sat beside me and introduced himself .He said his name was Art and he was a married sales rep who visited my city about once a month for business and stayed 3-4 nights .He was very friendly and I noticed he was looking me up and down with interest. This excited me and for the first time in my life I felt flirty and seductive with a man .I took deep wet drags on my cigarette and glanced at him with interest .I felt horny as hell. It was inevitable he asked me up to his room after a few drinks .I went eagerly and when we got to his room he kissed my mouth standing up as soon as the door was closed. The kiss awakened me and I kissed his mouth back passionately .We necked lustily for awhile then he had us get on the bed while he took his clothes off and mine. His cock was sticking out hard and was around 6 inches long and circumsized .My slightly bigger cut cock was hard as well matching his. He appeared experienced and was soon sucking on my cock in the bed as I moaned .Being 33 I was soon having an orgasm and he swallowed all of my cum in his mouth greedily .I lay back and lit a cigarette satisfied and he took a few drags .He was horny so he began masturbating his cock and blew his load into a kleenex he had grabbed .He told me he was gay even though married and his wife knew he had these adventures but accepted it .I admitted to him I was likely gay as well and recently had come out of a marriage .This intrigued him and he asked me if I was open to a regular affair with him when he came to town monthly .I nodded yes and found my cock was stiffening again as I thought about sex with him .I sensed the mutual attraction and felt happy about it .Art blew me again and we fell asleep in each other's arms. In the morning I left him as he prepared for a business meeting .I had given him my phone number.

A month later Art was in town again and called me .This time I went to meet him right in his hotel room and we necked passionately before going to bed .I was excited to suck him for the first time and he lay on the bed as I gave him a slow lingering blowjob .I loved how his cock felt in my mouth and the act of sucking him made me hard as a rock .I was surprised I could get all of his cock in my mouth easily as it felt like I was a natural at cock sucking .I took his load eagerly and he returned the favor a few minutes later .I slept with him again and visited him the next 2 nights for sex as well .Each time I saw him the next few times I felt myself letting go more and more .By the 4th month of seeing him Art was fucking me with his cock and I loved that as well .With lube and the dildo I bought myself I found I could take all of his cock easily without any pain after a couple of fucking sessions. Art usually mounted me from behind in the bed though sometimes I rode him as well on top. Now the oral sex was mixed in with intercourse and I felt our relationship was getting increasingly loving and passionate. After a year of this Art told me he was in love with me and was thinking of leaving his wife and moving here to be with me .I was having similar loving feelings about him but this scared me .I was not yet ready top settle down with a man and wanted to have other lovers first. This hurt Art and he told me he could not see me anymore .I was sad but accepted this .After this I stopped going to the hotel bar and instead began going to gay bars and getting picked up by older men I met there. This led to one night stands and some gay affairs .I am currently single and have dated mainly men my own age or a bit older the past few years. I was with one man for 10 years and lived with him but his drinking was too much .I have been definitely out of the closet for over 30 years now but that is how it all started.