I Feel Like No One Truly Knows Who I Am

I feel like my entire life, I've been hiding who I really am. From everyone. My family. My friends. If they knew about the things I've done or fantasize about, I would be disowned probably. I actually grew up in the foster care system as a child until I was 18. No one knows this except those foster parents I lived with. I had a sex addiction when I was 12. Like I literally had to go to therapy for it because I would write about sex. Draw porn. I had it all written in a journal hiding behind my drawer until they found it. I often wrote about my own foster parents. Like one of my fantasies was living with only a foster mom and we had this relationship where we would have sex and it was our little secret. I also stole a lot of their panties and one time I was even caught masterbating with them on one of their beds naked. I had a foster brother in one house and we played with each other a lot...sucking each other off and stuff. I fucked one foster sister. I was put into therapy for years. They thought the devil was in me. When I was 18, I was released on my own. The first thing I did when I had my own apartment was I paid for a shemale escort. I had never been with one. I gave her head and she came in my mouth. For the first 2 years on my own, I was pretty much having sex with anything I could find online. I was finally free to be me. I also had my own stash of women's panties. I stole some from my former foster parents. My apartment smelled like cum and sex and their would panties hanging everywhere. So I guess the therapy didn't work. I joined the US Army at age 20 and then upon my release after 4 years went and got a degree. I look as normal as they come but man, my past is crazy.