I Wish He Was Mine

My sisters husband used to date me when we were younger and we did a lot of stuff together. I even lost my cherry to him (I was a late starter at 19) anyway we split up because I said some mean things and he ended up with my sister.

I tried to win him back I even offered to be his bit on the side and my sister would never know but it didn't work.

He married my sister and they've got kids now but she doesn't deserve him.

I've got a bf and 2 kids. but every time i have sex with my bf I think about my b.i.l and how he felt.

I have also taken to whenever I visit my sister I'll not wear underwear just in case he notices.

I know its bad and sounds crazy but I love him. I got so excited when I went round to borrow their shower when I was having work done because it was just him and I dropped the towel by "accident " and I saw him get hard I just carried on walking through naked saying I guess I don't need that now hoping he'd follow but he didn't.

How can I win him over. How can I be his true love..?