Need To Suck And Fuck

Ok so I'm married, 2 kids and wonderful wife. For the last year I have been having some very Bi fantasies and noticed that I am reading a lot of the bi confessions.

I love my wife dearly and have no desire to have another mail included in our sexual acts, however I do want a cock, nothing massive yet!!! I find myself looking at trans porn and looking for trans escorts, but haven't had the courage to do anything.

I wont go on grinder out of fear my wife will find out and end my marriage, but the urges are getting a bit more intense, when reading certain confession i can feel my underwear getting slightly wet at times.

We have pegged but the wife has gone off this, she was very into it and Cumming freely with no hands drives me mad. i want a nice creamed asshole once this is done i want this new cock to go back in and fuck me using there cum as lube, i want to be used like this even to the pint that if he want me to take the load on my face and clean it with my tongue I will.

What can I do?? I think if I do this once it will be out of my system and that's that but my sexual drive is gone into overdrive and this is all I really want at the moment.

God I need this to happen but absolutely terrified.