Can't Get What I Want

My husband took me from being a 16 year old virgin to a slut. Not just a slut, but a fist fucked slut, a gangbanged slut, a shared wife slut, a pee slut, a bi slut, a pain slut, a submissive slut. It was a slow, long process, first was fisting which I came to really like. Then all the rest, and I really liked it all. Now he's gone, I'm a 32 year old widow with lower holes that can both take a whole hand at the same time and I crave it. I crave more than one man using me, even more than one woman using me. I want to be used, to be peed on then fucked, then fisted and spanked.

I dated one guy that eventually I went to bed with, and to be honest I was too loose for him, he put a rather thin cock in me and honestly I couldn't feel it, I think he didn't feel much either, though I did compress my muscles down there enough and he did shoot inside me. I just faked it for him, and after three times, we agreed it wasn't working. I couldn't ask for his hand in me, I couldn't take dirty to him or ask him to pee all over me and make me swallow some.

How can I ever ask a man to do the things I want? I don't think it will ever happen for me again.