Ping Pong, A Man A Woman

I am now 32. I came to the conclusion I was a lesbian while I was in college. I tried it, but I never felt complete. I have this uncontrollable attraction to the wrong sex. But female to female sex doesn't make sense. You can't penetrate, you can't conceive. Being penetrated is itself an end in itself. Better to be penetrated, than to suffer the frustration of sex with a female that cannot be completed.

I don't 'love' this man. I 'love' this woman. He completes his mission, I can't complete mine. If I have to spend my life as a lesbian, then I will have to live my life with this man too. Not being completed, not receiving the ultimate g*ft of sperm, is living an incomplete life. Whether I care to admit it, whether other lesbians care to admit it, as a female I am incomplete without a man completing inside me and leaving his sperm in me for my care.

Having a child is a mission I can complete. I can receive his sperm, care for his sperm, conceive with his sperm, and complete the mission for which I was born. Intellectually I know I'm trapped between two incompatible drives, one to complete my mission to conceive, and one to live with my own sex.

When I am complete with him, I can give my love to her. Ping pong.