Chsoen Babysitter

I was a kid maybe 15 I had already ben molstd by a boy sitter at 6 or 7. So I knew what a chosen trusted sitter could do but I never revealed my shame to anyone best friend or any family member. I take to the grave. I came across my sitter in a church as me and mother were leaving and surprise to us the sitter his mother and sisters were sitting in the back. It ben decades and he was fat and very nervous trying to look normal. I sd nothing never saw him again herd he died of cancer.
So one day I was chosen by a family to watch their 2 kids as they liked me alot the parents and kids. I was just maybe 3-4 yrs older and that they would pay me good money I think it was $40 so they could go out then pic them up. They even sd the daughter had a slight crush on me and knew, thot it was cute and teased her in front of me about it but quickly and would leave it alone. The girl was actually cute but I never sd one word openly to anyone that she was to me She was caramel skin perfect chewy bubbly lips silky brown hair and a tight round bubbly but. If I could say she looked like anyone it be Paula Abdul age 6 or 7 and Paula wasnt even a star at this time. So when Paula came out, I had then lost contact by afew years and thot hey that looks like her. Ok so eventually I took advantage of the trust and started fondling her as I knew she was liking me more and more during babysitts. We had to sneak behind her brother who would always be into tv or if he fell asleep. Or if we all shared a blanket my hands would be all over her. He had no clue. Nobody had a clue. She dry humped me one morning on the couch like she knew what she was doing at her age and I came un my shorts and she kinda looked like she did too if she was able to, idk. One time she sat behind me in the couch and jerked me off as her brother played on floor watching tv it was wild for both of us. He was totally into cartoons his food and nothing around him so we got away with so much in the hours we had vs just afew minutes of trying to find a time. We would even go upstairs while he stayed down and take out clothes off to see and touch each other. I'd wake her up sometimes next to him and shed be down to let me squeeze everything as she moved into the feel good of it. Over time I went to college lost contact with family. I'd wonder over years what she looked like as a woman and would search online but nothing on her name. Today theres tons of girls with her name to found so I sat down for hours determined and finally found her online. I dont make contact for fear of disclosure somehow and I dont need that in my life even tho we were so young. But the odd thing is she appears to be troubled in life. Curses calls girls b and herself online. She doesn't appear to drink or do dgz has tatts and the ultimate discovery is she dates way older men. She is still cute but worn a little like shes ben thru stuff I totally wouldnt recognize her if we passed in public nor would she rec me and the man shes with is white haired and she doesn't appear to talk with her mom father or brother much like normal folks. I believe its becuase shes young attractive in her 30s and shes with a man looks like her father or grandpa and they sorta disowned her for this She appears to be on her own always posting words of teachings those kinds of people and having no problem saying bitch Good morning bitches or This bitch loves her some football etc I know her parents and they wouldnt allow this behavior fr their princess
So did this histroy damage her?
I find later she broke up with him recently and is dating another older dude but sorta a bit younger than previous grandpa dude as he has blond hair but looks ruff and very untrustworthy and makes trouble compared to boring grandpa she had lol
What does trustworthy look like?
Im solo, Be cool if I could contact her get secret sex as adults as she looks sexually frustrated but I cant risk that especailly if she decided to disclose our childhood secret or maybe she already has, so I just observe her when I can. What if she told them but also told them she participated liked and welcomed it?? Its amazing how you could look at her and not even know just know it's odd for her to be dating a way older man or men that she could do better with her looks as they aren't good looking. I was still am but not as handsome cocky but still got it