I Miss Them

When we were little, my brother, a cousin and I were very close. I was the youngest of the three, but the age difference wasn't too big: my brother is only a year and a half older, and my cousin is a little under a year older than him. We used to play a lot together, all the time, sometimes very roughly. Most of the time with little or no supervision: our parents worked long shifts, and there wasn't always a nanny around.
This was a huge factor when we and our relationships grew into puberty. It started with my brother. One afternoon after school, when I was 14, one of our games turned into him groping me... and I noticed. I liked it. And when he noticed I had noticed, he kind of froze. I had kissed a couple of boys before and had really enjoyed the feeling, so I went for it with my brother.I lost my virginity that afternoon. It didn't feel wrong at all.
My relationship with my cousin was very friendly, the "older cousin is protective of the younger cousin" kind of deal. One day, a few months after that, he approached me during a family gatherind when we were alone and totally caught me with my guard down, when out of the blue he said: "your brother let me in on your little secret, that you guys made love". I didn't feel threatened, so I told him about it. The conversation got candid, and he whispered in my ear "you know, he's very lucky. I think you're gorgeous and would love to do that with you too". Our family knew we were close in a platonic way, so they didn't think it looked wrong when he took his dad's car and took me to his house "to pick up the Nintendo". It became our code for fucking afterwards.
So after that, with mutual consent from the three of us, we were secret lovers. We dated other people for brief periods of time when we could, to keep appearances, but whenever we got the chance we would get away, the three of us alone, to have sex. Everything I know and enjoy, I learned with them. My cousin took my anal virginity at 17. By 18, they'd sometimes make love to me together.
This went on well into adulthood, and it organically evolved into a sincere, polyamorous relationship: they both loved me in a romantic way, and I loved them, beyond the sex. But as we all know, everything changes sooner or later, and our relationship could never be, out in the open. We went our separate ways for college, and opportunities to meet up (at least two of us, not to mention the three) were very rare. After we all graduated it became a little easier, but then came the commitments, the serious relationships. I did not resent them for falling in love with someone else, and they didn't resent me.
It's been some years since my brother got married and I did so myself. My cousin remains unmarried, but he moved abroad. In all these years we've managed to get together, all three, only once, and it was delicious. With my brother alone it's more difficult, because both our spouses live in the same city with us. Despite the distance, I've met up more times with my cousin, either when he comes over or I visit him. My husband knows we were close, he just doesn't know how close, so he doesn't suspect a thing when we spend entire days together every time he visits. He usually takes me to nice hotels and we spend the day in, fucking like animals. I hate to do that to my husband, it's not that I don't love him or he doesn't satisfy me (he does, he's also a heck of a lover). But once you try that honey, nothing else compares.