Sometimes There Is No Turning Back, Once You Get On The Train

I sat across from him. He asked again, 'make me happy, and I will take care of you'. I thought he was asking me for sex. He was asking a whole lot more. Much more than I was able to give him. I offered him sex, he could teach me. He stood, walked over to me, lifted my face holding my chin. "Think about it, it's time for you to grow up'.

I was 21, I had just finished college. I wasn't ready for a lifetime commitment, to a man. Not yet. I had 'plans', going to Europe maybe, maybe a graduate degree. I thought about it for several days. Pros and cons. In the end I reluctantly agreed to 'make him happy'.

Sex was way down the line, not off the board, but way down the list. A man like him, a girl like me. Not unheard of. But not the norm. But when the day came, when I was all dressed up, when I stood at the top of the stairs, when the music started I turned cold inside, got goose bumps, everyone looking at me. 'Turn now, go back' my head said.

My feet went the other way. Without the video I would have said 'I didn't agree to that', but I did. I answered yes to every question the Minister asked. I woke up in a hotel, after a party, and a drive down town. The sex part had happened, I think so anyway. But I woke up to his words ringing in my ears 'now you can make me happy'.