My Past Has Caught Up With Me

I worked in corporate finance in my younger days. I used to do things to get business that I’m not proud of. There was one guy old enough to be my father that was constantly hitting on me. He was wealthy, and I wanted all his business; in the end, I gave him a blow job and let him put his hands where he wanted. Needless to say, there were just three places he always wanted to put his hands on. I didn’t fuck him, but I pretty much let him do everything else he wanted, including oral sex (both ways).

I’m now in my 30s, successful, wealthy and happy. I’ve met a great guy who has asked me to marry him. I’ve met his parents, who I love, and they love me. His mother and stepfather are just two of the nicest people on the planet.

Last weekend his real father flew into the country, and you’ve guessed it…. Nothing was said when we met. He is now in his 70s and in poor health; however, he recognised me although he didn’t mention our previous ‘business’ relationship. Plus, the name. I caught him looking at me a few times over dinner. I can’t tell my partner what I did with his father as it would end it for sure. However, what if his father tells my partner? He knows something is up as I’ve been distant since the night.

I can’t tell any of my girlfriends as it’s just too embarrassing to admit what I did a decade ago to get started. I’m now the embodiment of a strong independent, successful woman. How do I tell my partner that I started out sucking cocks and letting men touch me up; I also slept with a few. I know all of this would come out, and It’s a part of my life I regret and wanted to forget, but its comes back to haunt me in the most horrible way.

I’ve considered breaking off the relationship, but that hurts too much. I’m pretty sure my partner will break off the relationship if he discovers my past. So it's dammed if I do, dammed if I don’t. I can’t tell anybody so I’m confessing to this anonymous forum to try and ease the pain of conflict and guilt I feel. I so wish I could go back in time and tell his father to fuck off, take the moral high ground. I never enjoyed being groped and fondled by these men but I came from a poor background and was determined to succeed whatever the cost. It turns out the cost was my future happiness with the man I love. I’m crying again. I hate myself.