I Got A Kink I Can't Kick.

I have got a thing for married men. I don't even know why I do it.

Sometimes, I have serious guilt about it. And it is not like I go looking for it. But when I see an older man checking me, if there is a ring on his finger, I don't know, it hits me in the pit of my stomach, I get flush, and nervous (in a good way). I feel so noticed. Does that make sense?

I am not a slut. But this is a kink i can't shake and I have tried. When I am a lone is the bathtub it is where my mind goes and my fingers follow. And i'd never wreck a home, i'd never break them up, it's also not about that. It's not about him, or his wife, as selfish and fucked up as it sounds it's all about me and how sexy it makes me feel.

I don't know if anyone can understand, my brain must be totally fucked up. Maybe I should talk to a professional about this? But when a married man wants me, my head goes right away to all he is risking in his life to take a shot at me. I am not saying it is true, in every case, but my mind goes to him risking is marriage, family, kids, maybe even job, just to notice me, and pursue me. It goes right to my stomach, and feel so desired, I feel like am worth the huge risk to him, and if i feel the tingle i want to reward him. I don't know if i am suppose to feel shame or not but more than a few married men have ended up being very rewarded for risking to chase me.

I don't have affairs, just light hearted fun "encounters" and eventually the allure wears off for me and my remorse kicks in and I fade out and stop returning messages. But when noticed again, by the right man, the vicious cycle starts over for me. Which is why I call it a kink I can't kick. And again, as fucked up as it sounds, it doesn't seem to matter if i am in a committed relationship or not. If he risks the cheat, so I do; yet i'd never cheat unless pursued by a married man in like.

I have been with recently newly married men closer to my age, and much older married men who have need married for decades, race, life status are not deal breakers, while appeal is a factor for me (I am not going to lie) the huge attraction is how much a sense his risk is in chasing me. That's what I get turned on rewarding.

Normally, In my non-kink life I prefer long term romantic commitments with quality men. I am 26, have my BA, ok job, and am otherwise upper middle class, average but attractive Jamaican-American woman... but I can't shake this kink. I know how this sounds, but honestly, i am normally a slut, and I don't know why I keep doing this.

Ok, has anyone else had a problem like this? It is just me? I am fucked up? Do I need help, or is this just a kink, and part of who I am and i need to just accept my sexuality? Because honestly, right now, I can't imagine a future me, not being turned on at some level by being hit on by a married man. This is fuck up, right? Help?