Straight Female / 27
I Wish I Was Desirable
When i read people writing that they had sex with other children or with other adults as children, i fill with feelings of jealously and sadness.
I'm a virgin and i lost hope and there is no way to lost my virginity now.
I'm too shy and social awkward and anxious to do anything sexual with anyone.
When i was a kid i used to kiss and lick each other bellies and breasts with my female cousin and it was very nice. I liked it back then.
Now i realize that this experience it was the only ''sexual'' experience i will ever have until i die.
I've been to sexual experiences before like blowjobs while i was drunk but it's just not the same. I felt nothing and the next day i was feeling like a slut with full sense of guilt.
I wish i had male friends my age when i was a little girl who did sex with me or a kind adult male who would touch me soft and gently and teach me the pleasure of sex and make me feel really good.
The reason i said i want this, is because as a little girl i was less shy and awkward. I was innocent without feelings of shame and guilt.
If i had sexual experiences with boys as a little girl i would loved it because i believe my body would feel way more intense pleasure.
If i liked when my female cousin was licking my breasts so much then if a boy was fucking me i would loved it and asking it all the time.
I know it might sound like a huge problem with my self-esteem but i am uncomfortable to tell to a therapist.
It's weird to tell to a therapist that i wish i had sex as a child with boys or adults.
I'm a virgin and i lost hope and there is no way to lost my virginity now.
I'm too shy and social awkward and anxious to do anything sexual with anyone.
When i was a kid i used to kiss and lick each other bellies and breasts with my female cousin and it was very nice. I liked it back then.
Now i realize that this experience it was the only ''sexual'' experience i will ever have until i die.
I've been to sexual experiences before like blowjobs while i was drunk but it's just not the same. I felt nothing and the next day i was feeling like a slut with full sense of guilt.
I wish i had male friends my age when i was a little girl who did sex with me or a kind adult male who would touch me soft and gently and teach me the pleasure of sex and make me feel really good.
The reason i said i want this, is because as a little girl i was less shy and awkward. I was innocent without feelings of shame and guilt.
If i had sexual experiences with boys as a little girl i would loved it because i believe my body would feel way more intense pleasure.
If i liked when my female cousin was licking my breasts so much then if a boy was fucking me i would loved it and asking it all the time.
I know it might sound like a huge problem with my self-esteem but i am uncomfortable to tell to a therapist.
It's weird to tell to a therapist that i wish i had sex as a child with boys or adults.
