I Think I Must Have Sex Somaday

It's not a desire, it became a need.

These days most of the time i'm wet and horny,

i touch myself that much that i lost count and thinking about sex most of the time.

I read here some stories and make me so turn on.

I end up being horny, wet and jealous of all of those people.

I am very sexually oppressed.
I have deep feelings of disappointment that nobody could ever fall in love with me and turn on with me and i had these feelings since i was a little girl.

I remember when i was 5 i told my parents i am going to marry a girl because i thought it was impossible for a boy to love me.

I always end up being invisible.
I always end up not having any changes for experiences.

The only good experience i have is that at least i have friends and get drunk lots of times because this is the only thing i really enjoy to do and not feel shame about, drinking everyday.

I blame my parents for my so much sexual oppression because they put guilt and shame inside me when i was a little girl.
I was only pleasuring myself and they shame me for it.

I blame my autism for not being good at social interaction and i seem weird to others.

I think i can't connect with someone sexually or romantically.
I am so used to masturbation and fantasies that i think i couldn't feel something with someone.

I am not comfortable with anyone.
I can't be completely comfortable with someone without alcohol.

I don't like being an adult anymore, anything was easier when i was a child.
I wish i was a child.
Children are so much better than adults, i relate better to children, i enjoy movies with children protagonists and i like to write fairytales and stories with children protagonists.
And i didn't mean it in a inappropriate way.
Most of the time i feel like a oppressed child-teenager in an adult's body.

I was so much better back then. I miss the innocence i had and the curiosity about anything. I was shameless and clean from all the bullshit society put in the people like guilt and shame about anything out of the usual, depression, anxiety and not have the right to express themselves like they want.

I don't want to live like an adult.

And as i was saying i might end up pay someone someday (if i will ever become less shameful) for making me feel comfortable at first and then having sex with me and took my virginity.