I Don't See The Point Of Living My Own Life

I mean my life is pointless. I don't have a job, still living with my parents and my only pleasure is drinking. I feel empty inside most of the time and i don't trust myself in anything. Sometimes, especially when i go to sleep, i fantasize my own death.
I fantasize it like being invisible and flying and floating in the blue sky or being in a dark room listening to white noise completely alone.
I am not going to kill myself because ironically even though i fantasize my own death i'm afraid to die. I don't underestimate death because we can never be sure of what there is in the other side.
But i would like to not exist anymore if that makes sense.
I don't want to die, i just don't want to exist.
Before i was born if i had awareness and given to me the choice to decide if i want to be born or not and i knew what kind of life will follow i would never choose to be born.