I Let Her Go

I recently met with a girl who liked me very much and I also liked her very much. She made it clear that she was interested in me by giving me lots of signals and always flirting with me. I don't fucking know why I never made a move. I had never been in a relationship and maybe because of that, I was hesitant. Or perhaps I'm just a coward.

We were both at a party and it had been months since we met. She kept flirting with me but I never reciprocated even then. There was another guy who always competed with me in everything and would always try to assert his dominance over me. He was hitting on her even though he clearly knew that she liked me.

Even when she was getting all the attention from him, she was focused on me only. She told me to meet her in private and confessed to me. But I rejected her even though I was as much attracted to her as she was to me. We went back and soon she was receptive to the other guy now and was flirting back with him.

When the party ended, she went back with him. I heard her clearly mention booking a motel room with him. I'm sure they had sex that night. I went home and masturbated to the thought of it even though I was cursing myself.

A few days later I saw them sitting together outside the boy's dormitory. When the guy saw me he started fondling her breasts. She giggled and tried to stop him but when she saw me, she kissed him with all her passion and grabbed his hand and put it in her skirt.

I keep thinking about why I let this happen to me but I can't stop masturbating to the thought of her giving her love and her body to him. What is wrong with me?