What In My Past Made Me This Way

I can't cum without receiving some pain first, usually heavy spanking, paddling, or a beating with a belt. It can be on my butt, my boobs, even my pussy. My first husband couldn't take it and left me, my second husband doesn't like hurting me, but unless my body is subjugated in some way and I'm made to have sex with my parts still burning from the feeling, I can't enjoy sex. I mean it feels good, why not; it's sex! I can't cum though without it.

I have no idea what made me this way. My siblings and I were spanked, bare bottom in front of the whole family if we misbehaved. I remember between about 14 and 17 I would get really wet getting up off my father or mothers lap after getting disciplined. My first two boyfriends would slap around my boobs, they are big, and they would grab and squeeze, or slap them and remark how hard and erect my nipples would get during it.

In between my husbands I was on a trip for business to New York and I actually hired a woman to dominate me. I was afraid of a man doing it, but eventually she would even stick acupuncture needles through my boobs, even directly into my nipples all the way so the base of the pin was against the nipple. Then she'd squeeze hard. It hurt so much and I had an orgasm most of the time. If not she'd abuse me and spank-whip me and I'd rub myself off during.

I'm a freak I know. I confessed all to my husbands but neither can understand it. I want to enjoy sex, and need this to do it. He doesn't understand.