All Along Fingering Myself Wildly

nothing beats the feeling of the after orgasm glow or flow. its like a great feeling. I am so pissed off I have never felt it with a man ever yet. I have never been with a man and I feel like the embarrassment of being still a virgin is so painful and its more then just sex for me. it has to be about a mutual love other wise I would rather just walk away. I don't want to push myself on a man who doesn't like me. I wish I had tried harder when I was younger to make men date me and want my body. I was never confident and never the slut type. I never felt comfortable in sexual situations around lots of people and I found flirting painful and I was no good at it. my anxiety always got the better of me. I would like to have a few good sex times that are romantic and loving. They don't have to be blockbuster moments.
I sometimes long to be held and needed.