Bi-Sexual Female / 40
I’m A Useless Whore But He Loves Me Anyway
I flirt with my best friend because he sees the real me and he’s extremely sexy. We’ve had phone sex hundreds of times but never sex. It almost happened once but someone came in and we pretended we were just listening to music.
We both want to but my past indiscretions stemming from my ex-swinging days have hindered me from even attempting it.I lost total control. An ex best female friend used me for years to feel better about herself and I fell in love with her, or at least that’s want I thought it was. She’s a narcissistic whore I know this now.
My bestie tried to tell me but I never listen, I just indulge then get used.. What was I though? A nympho that was out of control and was easy, or so I feel or felt? No idea but I know I’m bad.
I hate my husband who is a loser that sucks in bed but is so narcissistic I wonder why I cheated for years and am in love with my best friend. My bestie sees the real me I want to feel and gets me better than anyone. He’s as into me as I am him but I hide behind my fake marriage and ghost when I feel I lead him on. I’ve done this a lot and am surprised he then pops up when I text him later on wherever he is. I’ve done that a lot and wonder why I drink.
I wonder if he has a new girlfriend or lover and become envious. Hes the only thing that really makes me wet and get off. I think about him during sex in order to get off and when I do I explode often. He’s usually alone because people don’t understand him and women use him or he tells them off because he’s dark and blunt. I know he’s miserable or am assuming?
I love him and I’ve never been with him. I know this but am afraid I’ll ruin my relationship with him if we’re intimate. Yet we flirt but we’re a lot alike in many ways outside of mg drinking and past whoring and settling. It’s why I abstain but I feel like a fraud. I am and I hide and settle over any confrontation with anyone. He calls me out on this and has for years but I do nothing.
In the past, I just spread my legs and took what I wanted. Now, I settle and drink. It’s all I seemingly do but drive my bestie further away. I often want to disappear and just might soon but maybe just maybe I could with him. He’s now not pleased with me and we’re not talking because I always ask advice from him and he always gives it while I barely say anything or say one word because I’m not good at advice.
I fear I’ve lost him forever but we always end up back in some form even if it’s been bad a while because of my hidden feelings, and my husband that’s afraid of him because he always knows when people are lying. Calls me out on that too but plays dumb because he’s good at reason people. So why does he stay? I know he loves me biut I don’t want to hurt him even though I have for years off and on. He’s the only one I trust.
So helpless and so sad but I know I need to get a divorce but I just drink instead and repeat the cycle of depression. My bestie is gorgeous but doesn’t see himself that way. He’s funny, very intelligent and a catch and most women know this but because they can’t figure him out they use him for sex. Mg husband is afraid of him because he sees through him and he can’t exaggerate and lie without him knowing he’s a fraud. Well so am I’
He’s done with women now but told me he loves me even though I’m married. He always has as have I. Why can’t I do the right thing, or am I by not ruining his life? So lost and so sick of my pathetic, fake life. I miss him. I hate myself. I miss him badly. I hope he’s ok. I want to die but I’ll likely just drink some more. Beyond pathetic.
We both want to but my past indiscretions stemming from my ex-swinging days have hindered me from even attempting it.I lost total control. An ex best female friend used me for years to feel better about herself and I fell in love with her, or at least that’s want I thought it was. She’s a narcissistic whore I know this now.
My bestie tried to tell me but I never listen, I just indulge then get used.. What was I though? A nympho that was out of control and was easy, or so I feel or felt? No idea but I know I’m bad.
I hate my husband who is a loser that sucks in bed but is so narcissistic I wonder why I cheated for years and am in love with my best friend. My bestie sees the real me I want to feel and gets me better than anyone. He’s as into me as I am him but I hide behind my fake marriage and ghost when I feel I lead him on. I’ve done this a lot and am surprised he then pops up when I text him later on wherever he is. I’ve done that a lot and wonder why I drink.
I wonder if he has a new girlfriend or lover and become envious. Hes the only thing that really makes me wet and get off. I think about him during sex in order to get off and when I do I explode often. He’s usually alone because people don’t understand him and women use him or he tells them off because he’s dark and blunt. I know he’s miserable or am assuming?
I love him and I’ve never been with him. I know this but am afraid I’ll ruin my relationship with him if we’re intimate. Yet we flirt but we’re a lot alike in many ways outside of mg drinking and past whoring and settling. It’s why I abstain but I feel like a fraud. I am and I hide and settle over any confrontation with anyone. He calls me out on this and has for years but I do nothing.
In the past, I just spread my legs and took what I wanted. Now, I settle and drink. It’s all I seemingly do but drive my bestie further away. I often want to disappear and just might soon but maybe just maybe I could with him. He’s now not pleased with me and we’re not talking because I always ask advice from him and he always gives it while I barely say anything or say one word because I’m not good at advice.
I fear I’ve lost him forever but we always end up back in some form even if it’s been bad a while because of my hidden feelings, and my husband that’s afraid of him because he always knows when people are lying. Calls me out on that too but plays dumb because he’s good at reason people. So why does he stay? I know he loves me biut I don’t want to hurt him even though I have for years off and on. He’s the only one I trust.
So helpless and so sad but I know I need to get a divorce but I just drink instead and repeat the cycle of depression. My bestie is gorgeous but doesn’t see himself that way. He’s funny, very intelligent and a catch and most women know this but because they can’t figure him out they use him for sex. Mg husband is afraid of him because he sees through him and he can’t exaggerate and lie without him knowing he’s a fraud. Well so am I’
He’s done with women now but told me he loves me even though I’m married. He always has as have I. Why can’t I do the right thing, or am I by not ruining his life? So lost and so sick of my pathetic, fake life. I miss him. I hate myself. I miss him badly. I hope he’s ok. I want to die but I’ll likely just drink some more. Beyond pathetic.
