I am totally obsessed with sex... but Im a virgin. Ive been this way my entire life. Seriously, I can remember back to kindergarten, where I would make the little toy dinosaurs make out, then hump each other. I first made out with a guy a few years older than me in 2nd grade, and I began to masturbate in 3rd grade. I think about it all the time, sex that is, and on occasion I like to watch hentai porn(which is anime porn. idk why it appeals to me.). Im not a whore... like, I dont act, dress, or talk slutty or anything. Guys respect me and I want to keep it that way. But sometimes I wish it wasnt that way. And heres my dilemma: I want to have sex, but I dont want to have sex. I mean... I want to have sex for the satisfaction and the experience, but I also want to wait till im married... I am so confused! But I should also wait because of the fact that Im still young and have a whole life ahead of me. But I still cant help but to think about sex! I am an attractive female: tall, blue-eyed blond with a great body, so sometimes I think it wouldnt be hard for me to find someone to 'do it' with.
But then I get these fantasies... ya see, I like to be in control of my life. I like to be heard and listened to. I like to be in charge. But if I were to have sex, I would want to lose all control. Like, I would want to be tied to the bed or something. I want my guy to do whatever he wants, and Id just have to take it. I fantasize about getting raped too.
But heres another issue: I want to have sex because masturbation gives me no satisfaction. I dont get it. I get really horny, so I grab this brush that has a handle thats perfect for it, and go at it.... but then it just kinda... stops. The feeling goes away, and nothing happened. Fingering too, it does nothing. I think its the fact that its me trying to please myself that turns me off, cuz really, thats not the way its supposed to be. Men are supposed to please women, and thats what I want...... and I want it reeaally bad too. haha.
But then that brings me back to the whole respect thing. I still want guys to respect me, and not see me as a girl to hook up with and move on. I dont want to be a living sex doll. Grr.... Im frustrated. Help.
But then I get these fantasies... ya see, I like to be in control of my life. I like to be heard and listened to. I like to be in charge. But if I were to have sex, I would want to lose all control. Like, I would want to be tied to the bed or something. I want my guy to do whatever he wants, and Id just have to take it. I fantasize about getting raped too.
But heres another issue: I want to have sex because masturbation gives me no satisfaction. I dont get it. I get really horny, so I grab this brush that has a handle thats perfect for it, and go at it.... but then it just kinda... stops. The feeling goes away, and nothing happened. Fingering too, it does nothing. I think its the fact that its me trying to please myself that turns me off, cuz really, thats not the way its supposed to be. Men are supposed to please women, and thats what I want...... and I want it reeaally bad too. haha.
But then that brings me back to the whole respect thing. I still want guys to respect me, and not see me as a girl to hook up with and move on. I dont want to be a living sex doll. Grr.... Im frustrated. Help.
