This morning I woke to find myself having a serious erection over the bottled up emotions I have been keeping under for the past few weeks. Most of these emotions involved sexual desire while the other was the need to express passion. Last night I stayed up watching repeated sex clips from various films like Body of evidence, scorned, my tutor, the lawnmower man, etc. I even watched a few manly clips from films like m butterfly and the pants dropping scene from casper. I kept holding back the urges until finally when I couldn't take it no more I rose out of bed and masterbated over my waste disposal thinking about Rachel Bilson and Kim Basinger. When I leaked out all the emotions I felt both relieved and ashamed of myself. I went back to bed and started feel all guilty and dirty over what I have just done for probably the 1000th time in my pathetic life. This is not the first time I had done something like this, a few weeks ago I masterbated in front of my computer, which resulted in making a mess of myself. I then decided to maintain a resistance in to never allowing these sexual urges become the best of me, until this morning when I could no longer tolerate the pressure I choose to uncork the bottle and let the emotions just do what they do best. This becoming a serious problem for me and I need to work on setting myself on a path to improving my standards and sex life without it getting out of hand. Thank you for reading my confession.