It Is All Surreal To Me

I am a single mom. The dad is a dead beat and my family are not supportive. I work a dead in job at a popular Coffee shop in the city. I both waitress and mange the day shift because I can work hours while my son is at school. Summers are harder because I have to find child care.

I make ok money, but not great, it's better then tips are good and rough when they are low. The owner of the coffee shop is a 65ish old fat Lebanese guy who was creeping on me from day one and likely only gave me the job because i am pretty with nice boobs. He has always said inappropriate things to me like "use those tits to get your tips" and he has always oogled me up and down and "patted" my ass and made jokes that no boss in 2022 should ever get away with but I am a single mom and this job is the only option i have that fits the hours my son is in school, so I have just put up with is and rolled with it like it was a joke.

A while back I was really stuck for money and I really had no options so I went to him and begged for a pay advance. He just looks at me dead in the eye and said "blow me."
At first, I just laughed liked this was another inappropriate joke. He said sexiest things to me all the time and i just accepted he was an old school creep. I was like, "Frank, no really, i need some help, please." And he just laughed at me.

The next morning when I came in before open, he was there. He never comes to open, he is a fat lazy slug and that is why he has me.
"Frank, what are you doing here?"
He says, "you need money help." And just like that, he unzipped his pants and pulled his cock out like it was the most normal thing in the world.
I was i n shock there we were in the coffee shop kitchen and my fat ugly old married boss had his dick out stroking it in front of me. I think i was shaking a bit because it was so awkward and i could not afford to loose this job. I was honestly scared.
He says, "It told you yesterday, blow me."
I was like, "Frank, I really need this job please don't fuck this up. Just put it away and we will pretend this never happened, your wife will never know and i go back to working."
He keeps stroking his now hard dick like this whole thing is normal and says, "Anytime you need help 200, and it's not an advance, it is a bonus. You are not fired either way. This has nothing to do with you keeping your job. You asked for help. Now do you want it or not?"

I was was not as scared once i knew i a could say no and stay employed but I was still desperate and well I just nodded yes he took control. He came over to me, touch my face, groped my tits, he went under my top and pulled them out of my bra and said nothing pulls my top off and exposing me. I felt so awkward and frozen. He felt my ass up and even rubbed my pussy over my pants and tried to fumble with my pants button, and some how I got the never to say "that is not a part of the deal." Then his smirked told me I was not only a sexy slut but a good mom for doing what she had too, and he pushed me gently on my shoulder and until i was on my knees in front of his dick topless.
His dick was normal, not huge or small, a bit fat, and his pubes unkept. I was not into this at all but I was down to get over. I opened and started giving the best sloppy top I could. I wanted to pop this old bastard fast. I know how to suck some nasty dick so that is what I set out to do.
He moaned and told me I was a good mommy for this ... but then he took control again. He grabbed the back on my head by the hair and changed the rhythm and he slowly started to fuck my mouth.
At first it was slow fucking my mouth with him controlling the pace but using a firm grip of my hair to control the pace. Then he kept increasing the pace until he was basically skull fucking me. I was struggled to keep pace. He was fast and rough and didn't really care if i could handle it. He was muttering and moaning calling me a slut mommy and i was a big tit bitch who deserves this. And honestly, I started getting into it a little, as a single mom i don't date much and I have not had a guy control me in a long time. i don't like him at all, but i like how he was so in lust with doing this to me, taking advantage if me, and let me know it. He was not quite large enough to really gag me but I made the gaging sounds for him and actually tried hard to really chock on it for him. I wanted to choke on it, fuck if it was only a little bigger, almost not enough.
I knew he was about to cum and he was not the kind of man that would pull out and i actually started to get wet knowing this would be the first load in a real long time I swallowed. Had he lasted a bit longer I might have really got turned on and touched myself but he is an old man and he blew his load pretty quickly, and I swallowed as much as i could and dribbled and gaged some out just for his show.

Afterwards, I just sat on the show kitchen floor, my face a mess, kind of ashamed of myself, and kinda mixed between being halfway horny and halfway grossed out by him. He put 200 bucks on the counter and told me to go get cleaned up and get to work. And just like that he treated me no differently than before.

I have done it 3 more times since. I try not too. But whenever I am broke he is willing to meet before open and it goes down almost the exact same. I have tried to get into it more, if i could enjoy it it would not be has hard to do. But he is gross and I don't like him at all but need him. So, i get halfway horny and it just frustrates me. He offered 400 to fuck, but hell no. I'd rather blow him twice for the same then let the fat fucker get on top of me.

Anyways, i had to get this off my chest. Also, it is just so frustrating because I wish i could enjoy it more. I want to try masterbating while he does it, but in my pants are off, i don't trust him to push for me. I don't think i want to fuck a guy i have zero attraction too and am actually grossed out by. I

I am not getting any action anyplace else. I am frustrated and confused by this. It is all surreal to me.