Had A Orgasm Rocking Weekend

I have an unnatural fear of sex. I sometimes want sexual humiliation to orgasm. I must admit a fetish of mind is hearing bed springs and sex which is sick, I guess.

So my boyfriend arranged for us to stay in a hotel and listen to others having sex and didn't know if I would like it. During our quarantine we must have planned sex a number of times and fell short to the main event til half way through.

There was a lot of sex pleasuring without penetration and then full penetration and heaps of sex. I was waiting for the room service to come in to catch us with the noise we were making .

Sex is confusing and more like a fitness event and psychological check up like a medical manuveor and operation cuz when you have been r**ed you need some consideration with tempo and performance and timing, measure of pleasure factor and keeping in the moment. Cuz I get this terror and embarrassment come over me, of "I am scared they might hear us, I am afraid to let go and really find my sexual power and push it all the way to a lastingly loud orgasm, and fear of collapsing in his arms with mind dumbing headache.

But it was a successful trip this weekend to the love bird candle nest. Can't wait for more. I thought I would be repulsed and it took a lot for me to just say "stop with the guilt and shame and just enjoy the ride"