Taboo Fetish Pt 2

Due to some manageable but chronic health issues, I didn’t move out of the house right away after I became an adult. Due to my mother being controlling and having bi polar anger issues, I kept my dating (and sex life) to myself. My bro had moved out early, had a kid, and my step sis had moved back in with her mom after she turned 18, so it was just my mom, my step dad (who is an absent, apathetic drunk who never had sex with my mom), and myself living at the house in the time after I came into adulthood. As stated, I didn’t communicate my romantic life (what little I had) with my mother; shortly after my 19th I vividly remember she and I had a talk due to her being concerned about my dating life as a young adult. Of course, she had come home after drinking, and my step dad was still out. I had worked 2nd shift and had gotten home shortly before and got a quick shower. My mom came in, greeted me, and got a quick shower herself. Where things changed is when she came out of the shower, she was wearing a large white shirt, the type anyone would sleep in, the hook is she was wearing nothing else. Now, I stated in pt. 1 that my mom was comfortable with nudity around the house; she would go topless (she has 40DD), and occasionally bottomless-nude in certain circumstances. This was not sexual per say, just being casual in the privacy of her own home. However, when she came out of the shower, she sat next to me, and was very casual that she was bottomless and aware that I could see her pubic hair. At 19, I had sex with one woman, but this was something that was entirely different in the context of sexual arousal. I could tell she had a relaxed buzz going, and she started making small talk, which led to her asking questions about dating and how I felt about women. I said that things were fine, that I chose to be selective on who I dated, and I ‘took care of my needs’ (masturbated) as needed. After some small talk, she then reached out and hugged me, and in doing so put my head on her breast. We hugged and cuddled for a time, then she gave me a kiss on the lips, it was closed lips, but much longer and fuller than I think a mom usually kisses her son. She then looked at me and said, “I’m here for you if you need me” … Sometimes people can misinterpret what someone says, but in my mind, this was pretty clear language that my mom was offering to have sex with me… She then asked if I would lay on the couch and cuddle with her…
Because of circumstances in pt. 1; at that point, I had sexual thoughts for years for my mom, but this situation felt ‘off’ to me. I did lay on the couch and ‘cuddle’ with her, and even cupped and cuddled her breasts, and as aroused as I was and as much as I wanted to, I just could not bring myself to cross the line and actually fuck my mom. After laying and cuddling for about half an hour, I kissed her on the cheek and said that I was tired and wanted to go to bed. We got up, she kissed me again, and told me to have a good night.
Here's the problem: part of me obviously wanted to fuck her and fulfill a fantasy that I had for years, but because of her controlling, bi polar nature in that moment and as excited as I was, I also very much suspected that this was more about me filling in the role of my absent step dad, and an angle to keep me from moving out (attachment issues).
That was one of the most conflicting experiences of my entire life, to have the opportunity to engage in something as hot and taboo as that, but have to pass due to toxic circumstances… it’s also an obvious reason why I have a (adult consensual) i****t fetish now-a-days.
After that evening things went on as normal, with one pretty sizable exception, my mom’s causal nudity became more common, and from my pov, had more of a sexual vibe. I was an adult who chose to live in her home, and she didn’t see anything wrong with it, so her being topless and nude was fairly common from then on. It was still awkward from my pov because she was still the same person as far as being controlling and erratic mood swings, but as the ‘offer’ made things more sexually casual. One example that is burned into my mind forever; I was babysitting my bro’s toddler one day (he got his girl pregnant as soon as he moved out) and we were sitting on the floor of the living room with cartoons on the tv. My mom was in the shower at the time, when she was finished, she came out to the living room to get cloths she had left on her chair. The hook is that she was butt naked. She walked around the living room for a minute gathering her cloths, but for some reason she bent over to pick something up off the floor, I look up and all I see about 2 feet from my face is her pussy, asshole, clitoral hood, labia…everything&hellip ; and all I wanted to do was bury my face between her ass cheeks and eat her pussy and asshole. Now, no woman bends over in front of a man like that unless she is advertising and communicating that she wants to be fucked…
I asked my mom if she was done in the bathroom, she said yes, so I excused myself to the bathroom, and as soon as I touched my dick I came hard! That image of her bent over will never leave my mind, and has been masturbation material for many years now… it also was the first of many times she did it.
I eventually moved out and got my own place, had steady work, and generally did what 20 somethings do with their lives. I still had a major (adult consensual) i****t fetish, and even dated a few women who had the same fetish. One quick example is when I was about 21 or so, I started casually seeing a woman who was 37 at the time, and had 2 kids, one who just turned 18. I never met her kids as our thing was more casual and it wouldn’t be right to be involved with her family. We had our naughty fun, the sex was good but there was a hook, an oddity that I didn’t put together right away. Long story short, she always liked to call me by a certain name when we had sex, that name turns out to be her older son. I didn’t know right away, but after the fact I thought it was super-hot that she had an attraction to her son, and showed me that others, including women, have (adult consensual) i****t fetishes as well, and it was way more common behind closed doors than people realize.
I did my thing, lived my life, and had fun for a number of years, but sadly, my health issues caught up with me, and I went through a rough phase, nothing that countless people have gone through. So… things got bad, so when I was about 32, I reached a point where I had to move back in with my folks. It had been about 10-11 years since I moved out, so I had plenty of time to develop my own identity as an adult. However, I quickly realized that in the decade I had been out of my parent’s house, nothing had changed between them. My step dad was still an apathetic drunk, my mom was still a bi-polar control freak. About a month after I moved back, I had a situation with my mom that was almost a duplicate situation to when she offered to have sex with me years previously. I was sitting in the basement living room watching tv. My mom came home (step dad still at the bar) and, swear to god, it was the same conversation we had almost 13 years previously. She said that she was ‘worried’ because I wasn’t getting out, then she said, “I know a man of your age has needs, and I want you to know that I’m here for you.” Again, I was presented with a dilemma, I could fuck my mom, but just the same as it was the last time, it was more about fulfilling her needs due to my step dad showing her no love or affection, as well as trying to lock me into being her emotional crutch than being concerned about my well-being. This went on for some time, and she, of course, fell back into being nude around the house, and being suggestive in her behavior.
Eventually, things started turning around for me. My health improved and stabilized, and I met a woman, the hook is that we met online, on a discussion page. We clicked right away; we both quickly realized that we both like chatting with each other had endless things in common with each other, and started spending more and more time chatting and talking on the phone. After a few months, we arranged to meet in the real, so I jumped on a plane, and spent a week with her. We started fucking right from the start, so it was obvious that we should get together. We had a discussion and it was decided that I would move, as she was more established and grounded in her life and work more so than I was. Long story short, over the course of the following year, I planned to move. I didn’t say anything about moving to my mom, as I knew she would have an emotion reaction. I was correct, when she found out that I was moving, she was quite upset, but after a time, accepted it.
Life with my girlfriend has been great; one thing that I didn’t mention previously is that my girlfriend looks a lot like, and has the same build and body as my mother. I mentioned previously that I have seen my mother’s body, including pussy and asshole; well, when my girlfriend is naked and laying on her tummy, she is almost identical to my mother. My girlfriend’s pussy is a little smaller and tighter (from a visual standpoint) than my mom’s, but her ass and asshole are almost identical. So, I do tend to fantasize about my mom when I’m fucking my girlfriend. It’s a weird thing in my mind, almost like I’m having a threesome with my girlfriend and mom, only they occupy the same body. The best thing about this is my girlfriend knows about my mommy-i****t fetish, and is perfectly fine with it!!! So much so, that we watch (adult consensual) i***t porn when we are having sex; I tend to like twincet porn (real twin sisters) because I know for an absolute fact that its real (google the Ortega Twins!) We do sometimes roll play and she will pretend to be my mom and sometimes I pretend to be her son. Also, she has not come out an admitted it, but I know that my girlfriend has had a crush-sexual fantasy about her older brother. I know she has a fascination with (adult consensual) i****t, but she is self-conscious about it, and it makes her feel guilty, like she is a bad person for having these thoughts and desires. It’s kind of weird that she is ok with the fantasy on my part, but is insecure about her own desires, we are slowly working on her being more accepting of sexuality and fetishes. I think the reason for her hang ups is that she was raised a very religious conservative home and wasn’t able to explore her sexuality in her earlier days.
All is good for us know, but I do still have a raging (adult consensual) i***t fetish that will probably never go away. My mom has stated that she would like to travel to where I live to see me, I don’t know how that will play out as the last time I was home visiting, she gave me a very long, hard kiss when I left for the airport, so I know the possibility is still there. The issue with that is that I will not risk losing my girlfriend to indulge in this fantasy, even though I’ve had it since I was a teen. The only way I can see it happening is if my girlfriend would be willing to have a threesome, but she has no sexual interest in other women, and is not comfortable with me fucking other women.
When it’s all said and done, I accept that I missed my window of opportunity, but it was for the best, as much as I wanted to have sex with my mom, I knew if I did, it would probably have a very negative outcome due to her emotional issues.
In closing, I still do support adult, consensual i****t being legalized, what adults and family do behind closed doors is no one’s business but the parties involved.