Straight Female / 40
Coming To Terms With My Reality Has Freed Me To Enjoy My Sexual Me
I'm 40 years old now. I was r**ed in college at a party. It wasn't brutal or anything like that but it was r**e. When he was done he held me in a hammer lock for a long time. When he let me go and tried to get dressed he told me not to hide my body from him and I stood for the longest time naked while he took me with his eyes. I didn't get dressed until he gave me permission.
During the r**e I had an orgasm, a very intense deep orgasm. Up until that time I had only had baby orgasms that came and went very quickly. Everything in me changed and he had sex with me after that and I was his main date for everything. In my senior year he decided that he wanted me pregnant and was going to send me to live with his mother. I got pregnant and I went to live with his mother.
During my second pregnancy I went with him and our son to a company picnic. A woman, a real young recent college graduate was there and he introduced me I saw how she looked at him. At one point he put his arm around her and held like a man does with a woman that belongs to him. I went into a rage of jealousy and he had to walk me to get over it. I went to her and asked her if she even loved him.
That night back at home I was getting ready for bed and he told me to just stand there naked and let him enjoy me. When he looks at me naked like that he is very thorough and I get very self conscious. I was pregnant so it was even more intense. He said he didn't want doggy, he wanted me where he could look into my eyes. We had sex face to face but he had to hold himself up so not to press down on my baby. When he finished he told me that he had sex with her and she was pregnant.
That night laying beside him I started to fantasize about my r**e. It became more and more vivid and I went into a deep orgasm that lasted several minutes. He woke up to ask me what was wrong and I couldn't even answer. He held me down heavy, I was very wet and he slipped in from behind me and he had a hard orgasm himself.
I told my mother in law about the girl at work, she told me to get married immediately and protect my position. I told her about my dream and she told me it was a sign for me to quit playing around and get married. I got married, but not a church wedding, it was a court house affair.
I changed my name and everything and when I got my driver's license with my new name I held it for a long time. I was pretty close to popping and my mother in law told me that now that I was married everything was in my favor. That night I had another dream, another vivid reliving of my r**e and another deep orgasm. He wasn't with me because he was staying downtown keeping her company. I went into labor the next day and had my baby 24 hours later. She came to see me with her pronounced belly .
I was married so that kept things on my side and he has kept her as an office affair and and her baby became our love child. I was turning 30 at that time and she was 24. A baby herself.
Over the last ten years I have these dreams, always the same thing, always a vivid almost alive experienced, physical and emotional, always a deep, deep orgasm. If my husband is near me I expose myself for him to enjoy me, if I am on the bed I let him enjoy the inner me, if I'm standing I uncover myself and let him concentrate on my breasts. I can have small repeated orgasms while he enjoys looking at me. If he has sex with me after one of those dreams I almost always without fail have another deep orgasm. Some of these dreams are triggered if I know he was with her. They are still together, stronger than ever. But sometimes the dreams are triggered without any incident I can put my finger on.
I went to a therapist several years ago about them and she basically told me to lay back and enjoy them. If I fought them it would be worse, nothing changes the past. I've given myself to him so just get the most out of it that I can. She even told me that she had only once had a deep orgasm and it was in a one night stand. As to his girlfriend, adopt her and her child and make a better life for myself, my children, my mother in law and her and her child. Bring the wagons around and make a tight circle, that's my family and make that the center of my life.
That's what I have done, when I have a dream I don't rationalize it, I let it take its path and enjoy the orgasm. When he wants I let him enjoy my body all he wants and lay back and let him look until he covers me up. I don't talk sex with his girlfriend, I assume he enjoys her showing him her body and they have sex their own way. It must be good for her because she has been with him for him for over ten years. I want to know if she has deep orgasms but I have never asked.
During the r**e I had an orgasm, a very intense deep orgasm. Up until that time I had only had baby orgasms that came and went very quickly. Everything in me changed and he had sex with me after that and I was his main date for everything. In my senior year he decided that he wanted me pregnant and was going to send me to live with his mother. I got pregnant and I went to live with his mother.
During my second pregnancy I went with him and our son to a company picnic. A woman, a real young recent college graduate was there and he introduced me I saw how she looked at him. At one point he put his arm around her and held like a man does with a woman that belongs to him. I went into a rage of jealousy and he had to walk me to get over it. I went to her and asked her if she even loved him.
That night back at home I was getting ready for bed and he told me to just stand there naked and let him enjoy me. When he looks at me naked like that he is very thorough and I get very self conscious. I was pregnant so it was even more intense. He said he didn't want doggy, he wanted me where he could look into my eyes. We had sex face to face but he had to hold himself up so not to press down on my baby. When he finished he told me that he had sex with her and she was pregnant.
That night laying beside him I started to fantasize about my r**e. It became more and more vivid and I went into a deep orgasm that lasted several minutes. He woke up to ask me what was wrong and I couldn't even answer. He held me down heavy, I was very wet and he slipped in from behind me and he had a hard orgasm himself.
I told my mother in law about the girl at work, she told me to get married immediately and protect my position. I told her about my dream and she told me it was a sign for me to quit playing around and get married. I got married, but not a church wedding, it was a court house affair.
I changed my name and everything and when I got my driver's license with my new name I held it for a long time. I was pretty close to popping and my mother in law told me that now that I was married everything was in my favor. That night I had another dream, another vivid reliving of my r**e and another deep orgasm. He wasn't with me because he was staying downtown keeping her company. I went into labor the next day and had my baby 24 hours later. She came to see me with her pronounced belly .
I was married so that kept things on my side and he has kept her as an office affair and and her baby became our love child. I was turning 30 at that time and she was 24. A baby herself.
Over the last ten years I have these dreams, always the same thing, always a vivid almost alive experienced, physical and emotional, always a deep, deep orgasm. If my husband is near me I expose myself for him to enjoy me, if I am on the bed I let him enjoy the inner me, if I'm standing I uncover myself and let him concentrate on my breasts. I can have small repeated orgasms while he enjoys looking at me. If he has sex with me after one of those dreams I almost always without fail have another deep orgasm. Some of these dreams are triggered if I know he was with her. They are still together, stronger than ever. But sometimes the dreams are triggered without any incident I can put my finger on.
I went to a therapist several years ago about them and she basically told me to lay back and enjoy them. If I fought them it would be worse, nothing changes the past. I've given myself to him so just get the most out of it that I can. She even told me that she had only once had a deep orgasm and it was in a one night stand. As to his girlfriend, adopt her and her child and make a better life for myself, my children, my mother in law and her and her child. Bring the wagons around and make a tight circle, that's my family and make that the center of my life.
That's what I have done, when I have a dream I don't rationalize it, I let it take its path and enjoy the orgasm. When he wants I let him enjoy my body all he wants and lay back and let him look until he covers me up. I don't talk sex with his girlfriend, I assume he enjoys her showing him her body and they have sex their own way. It must be good for her because she has been with him for him for over ten years. I want to know if she has deep orgasms but I have never asked.
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