Experimental Temperamental

been exploring new things like semi-lesbian lust porn. looking up tits and orgasming to loud moaning of male and woman sexual scenes and forcing myself to orgasm fast on demand so much it made me go deaf and dizzy and shake all over to the point my body went to jelly completely from head to toe. I never used to be like this. Until my 20s because before that I could orgasm multiple times and go and walk off and clit bang standing and walk off easy now . its like I feel like I am sometimes just gonna collapse. I have tried lesbian type sensual body pleasuring before to just get in touch with my own tits and pussy. The more I explore and get to know the levels of the JAWS of my vagina and what it can do kind of evokes a new woman inside of me. Less afraid of having real sex with a good cocked guy. I just don't think I can live up to the sexual act as an exhibition or partner swap. I got horny watching a movie about a couple who test out swap sex and I am not sure my body will react that way in that confident sexual way for my age. I am shy by nature and fearful. I am likely to shake out of nervousness and fear and over breath and hyperventilate like before. It wouldn't matter what man it was I would still feel that of "oh shoot , will I live up to what he wants? can I do that in public or swap?" I don't think I can. and literally, last night I could not get a hard on clit no matter what the fuck I did. My clit actually was feeling pain rather then pleasure. But tonight made up for it and yet the orgasm on demand was a loose and weak but needed orgasm. and sometimes it is just like that due to the time of the month. but I never had before that feeling like I had no sexual hard on clit and no pleasure at all had me extra worried of "can I perform? what if that happens when I am with a man I desperately love? what will he think of me?" I think I have a temperamental clit.