I Was An Internet Whore

It was not healthy. The impulses come back every now and then, it was an addiction, but now I can recognize it isn't healthy and can stop myself. It started here. I would read stories on here constantly and eventually, I decided to write a few of my own. They were incredibly taboo. I am not proud of them. The tame ones were good though. I started looking for more websites like it, and I found two more that were even more unhinged with even more fucked up stories. I pretended I was a girl in these stories and confessed countless things. I got off on the comments people left.

Then I started recording myself. First with an out of service cellphone. I actually did that one when I was 17. I'd watch them over and delete them, but I kept a few. Those are also deleted now. Once I turned 18, I started using my laptop camera to record. I spread my legs and wondered if some person possibly could have hacked into my camera and could watch me get off. It excited me more. I would use actual cameras as well to record myself, never posted those though, but I did watch them back.

Then were the internet chats. I would go on Omegle and wait for a man jacking off to appear. I kept my camera covered and got off to some random man before we disconnected. Soon I started using anonymous sex chatrooms. Again, I pretended to be a girl. I had countless men send me dick pics through these chats. I sexted them back.

Next was were the forums. I was 18, and I figured why not. I started posting pictures of myself, no face, just nudes. I even posted g*fs of me fucking myself. I did not pretend to be a woman in these. I had many people comment and private message me telling me how hot I was and what they wanted to do to me. I didn't message them all back, but I did message a good handful. They gave me validation.

I almost started posting porn videos. The only thing that stopped me was the fear of my confirmation picture being leaked. But I had taken the picture. I had recorded the videos and I wanted to record more. I never made the account thankfully.

I did try to hook up with people but it wasn't my thing. The thought of actually hooking up with a stranger was scary, over text was fine but otherwise I couldn't.

Once I realized this was all an addiction built off of my own lack of dopamine and trauma, I deleted everything I could. I didn't want to stay like that. And if I wanted a relationship, I definitely couldn't be doing that sort of thing. So now I've stopped. This isn't like my made up confessions that were definitely written to get someone off, this was written just to tell my truth.