Not The Real Mommy, The Real Woman Or The Real Friend

As a normal, middle class, female I have always, since memory anyway, have seen myself as a housewife and mother of 4 kids. My fantasy was always boy, girl, boy girl. My real life is overworked and overstressed. My sex life is with a married man who offered me the pictures but not the movie. I babysit his children, his wife is more than happy to see me, she gets her purse and she's gone for the day. I get them up, dress them, breakfast, children's museum, swim class, lunch on the deck, nap, snack, one hour of movies, dinner, bath, rock them to sleep. I go home at 8 or later. She doesn't give her husband sex, yuk, "How can you like that?".

He calls me eight or ten times a day, he comes home for lunch and wants a woman in his arms when the kids are taking their nap. He wants a real woman, not some kid or a one night stand. Since his kids were born, to that other woman, his wife, I've been the nanny. When his wife became pregnant again she spent days complaining to me about how he just didn't leave her alone. Job security, another baby for me to raise. Not a good joke I know.

I quit once, and crawled back when she brought the kids to my apartment. I want to be a 'real' mommy, not a nanny. Don't get me wrong I love them but I want one too. Being a nanny is not who I want to be. Being a mistress is not who I want to be. Being her confidant is not who I want to be. But here I am, putting babies to bed, being a 'real' woman to him, and listening to her complain.