My Mother Will Disown Me

I'm a white guy in love with a black woman. For over a year, we've been seeing each other secretly, partly because my mother is a racist. That isn't a slur, it's a fact. If you ask her, she'll say, "I believe the races should always stay with their own kind. If that makes me racist, I'm racist." She tries to give all kinds of reasons, but ultimately her final defense is, "It's the way we were raised." She's proud of it (my deceased father held the same beliefs, but he was much more discreet about it).

The thing is, my fiancee, who is back at home helping her mother take care of her father, has basically the same problem. Her father doesn't believe the races should mix either. But her father is in the final stages of COPD and is expected to pass at any time. Her mother doesn't share those beliefs. She's met me and she likes me, and she's even helped in ways that let my fiancee and me spend time together so her husband doesn't find out.

When my fiancee's father dies, I'll be the only obstacle to our relationship. I don't know why I don't have the courage to tell my mother. I'm a grown man with a good job who lives alone and I'm not dependent on her in any way. I love my fiancee and we're planning to get married and intend to have children. For both of us, nothing has ever felt so right.

I was the only child, always the apple of my mother's eye. Except for the racism which rarely came up, she was a loving, attentive mother. But I've got to get up the courage to tell her. I know she'll disown me, but I also know I would regret it forever if I don't do what I know is right for me.