Poor Decisions

In my mid 30’s I changed my life. I dedicated to my husband first and family. It was a hard commitment for me but now am glad I did. My husband and I went through school together. Became a couple in tenth grade him 11th. My mom being liberal bought us condoms by the boxes and we used them, my mom told me to have fun. He went to college a year ahead of me and I was jealous. We then went through college together. He graduated and we decided to wait after my graduation for marriage. He got a job an hour away and came to see me often. I had several classes with a guy and we knew each other well. One day he walked by me and his odor gave me a sex tingle. After class I asked him if he wanted to study that afternoon. Nothing to study for I told him he could study me. He knew what I wanted. We both made certain our mates wouldn’t be with us that day and we had sex in my dorm room. In the rush no condom. We used protection the following almost daily flings then I knew I was late for monthly. His two big loads first night made me pregnant. My fiancé came one evening and after eating I jumped him in the car I wouldn’t get off when he was cumming and he finally pushed me off but it was enough to cover pregnancy. We got married and I graduated college 7 months pregnant. I even had sex with my lover the day of my graduation. I had our daughter and soon started work. I’m ashamed to say in two weeks I was having sex with a man our two business worked together. I was lucky our son was fathered by my husband, he is splitting image of husband. I had litigation so no more siblings. I often wanted my husband to cheat but he was totally committed to our family. My method was fling during the day and be a wife and mom after work. I had sex with 6 different men over the course to realizing I didn’t want to lose my family. I even keep myself fit now for my husband and feel I owe it to him. My hormones have weakened but I’m always ready for sex with my husband. I now must live with the thoughts of my actions. I will be ok.