I Never Told

Please don't vote this down. This is my true story and I need it to be told. This really happened to me.

A year ago when I was going into my senior year of high school I was invited to a college frat party by a girl who was a year ahead of me. Of course I went and got super fucking drunk and partied my as off with older college guys.

I was super drunk and was not use to drinking at all. A cute guy invited me up stairs to a bedroom for me to blow him. Even though i had a boyfriend back at high shoool he was not around, and didn't know anyone there, so i wanted to suck off my first college guy and i could pull off an easy cheat that no one git hurt from. He was at least a couple years older than me but no one knew my age and he was cute and I was into it. I was down to fuck if he had tried but I think he knew I way to drunk and was happy to get a sloppy wet blow job by a super drunk toss away. I knew I was getting taken advantage of because i was drunk but i was down for it and would have consented if sober so i considered it consenting. The jerk popped in mouth with no warning but again, I was drunk but willing and he was cute so after gagging and coughing a bit swallowed the best I could and we both laughed about it drunk out our head.

He passed out and I got up to go find more booze but before I got downstairs two guys who's face I never saw grabbed me pushed in another room and pinned we face down on the bed so I could not see their faces. One held me pinned down while the other took my pants off and rped me from behind. I did not consent at all and I asked to be let go. I begged them to not rped me and I cried the full time. The party and music were going full blast down stairs so no one heard me being rped upstairs but I tried to be heard.

They both raw dogged me with no condom at all. Both cummed in my pussy but the second guy rped my ass first and it hurt so bad because I was an anal virgin. He did use some spit as lube because he couldn't get it in my ass without it but he was anything but careful and he fucked it raw and it burned like hell and was bleeding and i was begging him to stop so he eventually put it in my pussy and cummed in me like his buddy. They said nothing to me or even each other really. One held me pinned face down while the other rped me and they switch after the first guy cummed in me. I was pinned with a knee on my shoulder and if I cried too much or got too loud they punched me real hard on the back of my head and said "shut up or we'll call more friends to get a turn." I believed them.

Honestly, I just laid there after a while sobbing into the pillow taking it and waiting for the second guy to cum and be done. When he finished he told me not to get up or look at them when they left or more guys would come in and rped me more and i was so scared i believed them. I was hurting so bad I didn't care about justice or reporting them I just cared it was finally over. So I didn't dare try to look at them. I laid there for at least and hour or more crying and bleeding in total shock this really happened to me. I was 17 and double rped and knew no one would believe the drunk girl who just sucked off a stranger passed out in the next room. I felt dirty and like maybe i deserved it because they likely saw me go in the room with the other guy and knew i was being a slut. I felt it was my fault for being at the party and being a fucking dirty drunk cock sucker or for cheating on my boy friend. And all I could do is lay there and cry hoping I was not pregnant.

I didn't tell anyone except, a week later, the girl who took me to the party. She was very upset and wanted me to report it to the police but I refused. We got a pregnancy test and did it a few times and was just glad I was not pregnant since they booth cummed in me. I was not a virgin but I always did safe sex before.

I put it out of my mind and pretended it never happened. And anytime I thought about it I forced myself to pretend it was not real or a bad dream. No one really knew so it was easy to block out. That all changed last week when my boyfriend wanted to try anal on me. I didn't want, mostly because of the rpe but the guilt of having cheated on him made me say yes. He used good lube, and was gentle but it still hurt like hell (I am small) . It was a bit better than being rped in the ass but not much...but the crazy thing is I cummed so hard rubbing my clit while he did very painful anal on me. I mean it really fucking hurt and it was hard not to cry infront of him.

It hurt... so why was I cumming the best in my whole life! I don't understand. It even made me think of the rpe but I want he to do it more. I am so horny for it.

Am a broken? I am only 18 what the fuck is wrong with me? Do I need therapy... these are honest questions I am confused about and no one in my real life would believe me.