Very Confused About My Sexuality

I have resisted calling myself out for lo these many years. I got married right out of college for all the reasons, going to college for an Mrs., degree in useless shit, strong father figure, you name it. I didn't fall for him, it was more like he pressured me into sex and once I was sexual with him that was it, as far as I was concerned. Sex was never satisfying. It was always and remains so today, an obligation. I resisted having children until he gave me an ultimatum. With a worthless degree and no work experience I really did not have a choice.

I have two kids, i do love them and I am their mother, but I have never been the nurturing type and breast fed for six weeks. It's not in me. My husband has messed around since I met him, side sex was never his problem. He has a particular type of girl he likes and seems to find one when he gets bored with the last one. That I know of he has two kids with two other women, but he may have more than two. My best friend says I have an open marriage. No, I just don't want him on me.

I have a friend, Teresa. She is my age and she likes the ladies. Always has. She has shown me what lady sex is like, she is in love with me, including the ultimate which is to go down on me. Yes, I like it. But every time we have sex I feel guilty. Plus for some reason It doesn't feel like sex without his dick. Sorry. But it's true. Teresa does her best and I do achieve orgasm, and we are pretty expressive and all but in the end, when it's over it's like no dick. I have to beg my husband to fuck me, I don't want him to make love, just fuck me, use his dick, just cum inside of me.

My husband isn't fooled, he knows about Teresa. He's not even jealous about the time I spend with her. Better her than some guy, he knows her and likes her well enough. The only thing that he doesn't like is Teresa is the one woman who has never fallen for his ways. She's the one that he has never been able to catch.