Straight Female / 31
It Is Not A Laughing Matter,
The one night stand, aka drinking to much and waking up in bed with a guy I didn't know. I was 20, a good girl, good grades, good friends. The word that best describes how I felt that morning is embarrassed. A naked man? Me naked? You can't imagine how embarrassing.
Unfortunately other people knew. From the party. Some that he bragged to. A couple that I told. And from there it spread all over campus. Miss Goody Two Shoes got laid last weekend. I had to go home, I couldn't face my friends and the stares of other students. Even if those stares were mostly in my mind.
Then, I had to face him. Face to face. His first comment to me was 'don't worry you were a pretty good lay'. How do you respond? I left school and dropped out. A mistake, loss of self respect, I couldn't talk to my mom about it. How do you tell your mom you got laid while drunk by a guy you didn't know?
A girl my age I met at the junior college taking some courses told me, 'honey, so you got laid. It comes with the territory. Move on, get laid again. Soon it won't be such a big deal.'
But it was a big deal. A secret I kept from my mom, my sisters. I took an oath to save myself for marriage. I broke that oath. And how do you forgive yourself. How do you tell your future husband that another man had gone there before him? I spent a year out of school, before returning to college. Before growing up. Before meeting the man who became my husband.
But I have not gotten over the embarrassment of that night, the next morning. I never will. I have to live with it. But I sincerely wish I didn't.
Unfortunately other people knew. From the party. Some that he bragged to. A couple that I told. And from there it spread all over campus. Miss Goody Two Shoes got laid last weekend. I had to go home, I couldn't face my friends and the stares of other students. Even if those stares were mostly in my mind.
Then, I had to face him. Face to face. His first comment to me was 'don't worry you were a pretty good lay'. How do you respond? I left school and dropped out. A mistake, loss of self respect, I couldn't talk to my mom about it. How do you tell your mom you got laid while drunk by a guy you didn't know?
A girl my age I met at the junior college taking some courses told me, 'honey, so you got laid. It comes with the territory. Move on, get laid again. Soon it won't be such a big deal.'
But it was a big deal. A secret I kept from my mom, my sisters. I took an oath to save myself for marriage. I broke that oath. And how do you forgive yourself. How do you tell your future husband that another man had gone there before him? I spent a year out of school, before returning to college. Before growing up. Before meeting the man who became my husband.
But I have not gotten over the embarrassment of that night, the next morning. I never will. I have to live with it. But I sincerely wish I didn't.
