I Live With My Shame And Guilt, I Live For My Daughter And My Husband

infidelity, guilt, shame. I was 28 when my husband was swimming with some friends at a watering hole and hit the bottom and broke his neck. He was pulled from the water and kept alive but after all could be done he was a quad. After the months of rehab I had him at home, I was slave pure and simple. He was obnoxious, intolerant, angry.

Across the street from where I lived in my hell was a man who was older and wiser and I found myself talking to him. With his help we got the State to provide psychological counseling, which helped a little but not much. A friend of his brought him a copy of Hustler magazine and he became a porn addict, enabled by his friend who would come over and they would go through thee pictorials and his friend would masturbate on the pictorials. Disgusting.

One night his friend grabbed me in the kitchen, I managed to escape and ran across the street. His friend didn't have sex with me that night, the man across the street did. I was beyond horny for a man and I wore him out. I couldn't get enough and I started going over to have sex with him, and then talk about my husband's condition. When I got pregnant my husband was angry and upset to hear that the man who got me pregnant was the man across the street and not his friend. That's when I learned he had given his friend permission to have sex with me (more precisely he had told his friend to fuck me).

With the baby on the way my friend and father of my baby told me that I needed to divorce my husband and focus on him and the baby. The divorce was seen by most everyone as me having cheated on my husband and now backing out of my marriage vows. After I was divorced, I had the baby a couple of months before the divorce was final, we immediately got married and moved to Nashville, his home town.

I have recurring guild episodes. My ex husband's situation is dire, he is in a State supported home and no one really cares for him. He is obnoxious and manipulative. The staff does not like him and do the minimum for him. He is truly trapped in his body and he can't escape. I send things to him, anonymously, clothes and books. I know he doesn't use them because the staff has told me.

So, sorry this isn't some hot story. I committed adultery, I left my husband in spite off my vows of for better or for worse, I abandoned him to his prison. I became pregnant and delivered a baby out of wedlock. I did abandon him for another man in his most critical hour of need. But, and this but is my only lifeline, but if I hadn't I would have gone crazy and probably taken my own life to escape the hell I lived in.