Finally Beginning To Explore.

I'm 19 and asexual, in a sense of the word (I prefer currently to do more sexual deeds on my own rather than with a partner, but anything as far as some more saucy makeouts are fine with another person for me.)

Recently I've been really exploring myself a bit more, trying to figure out how to actually get satisfaction from masturbation, as well as learning what seems to "turn me on". I'm a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to sexual stuff, though this is mostly because of how I'm wired rather than any sort of trauma. Maybe because I'm a bit sheltered

I've been aware of my fetishes since I was pretty young, though I didn't realize they were actually fetishes until I got into highschool. My current partner and I have talked a bit about the more psychological connections these have which has sort of peaked my interest. Ironically despite the nature of some of the stuff I look at I've found a real comfort in my own skin because of this sort of content. Sure, there's some weird stuff, but for the most part I can realize that somebody out there would appreciate me no matter what were to occur to me.

This is just a ramble, because I'm too embarrassed (or ashamed) to talk about this with my partner at the moment, mostly because I don't know how to approach this kind of stuff in casual conversation, and have unintentionally gotten a bit too personal once or twice with friends. We've talked a bit about some of this but even still, it's been new.

I haven't actively sought out things I'd consider porn until recently. I think realizing that this is normal to want to seek out, though, has been a big step for me and has helped me realize some of the more interesting freedoms of being an adult.

I've been looking into sex toys, and hope to get a vibrator soon. I'm excited to try it out.