Bi-Sexual Female / 24
How I Found Out I Was Bi
My dad was a diplomat and I born and grew up out of the USA and only occasional visited back states side. When we moved back just as high school started I was completely unprepared, out of sync will US culture, and a complete missfit and awkward.
Growing up in a large Asian urban center as a white American girl, in a private upscale Asian school, I was super popular, the center of attention and guys competed for me. All the guys wanted to mess around with me and if i am honest i was kind of an attention whore. As young as grade 9 (14ish) i was getting sexual. I had made out with boyfriends, been totally felt up, been eaten out and fingered (brought to orgasm), and given head, but had not lost my virginity (by choice). I knew my time was limited there, dad's job was changing and we'd move away so i wanted to make out with the popular and cute guys, i had crushes on, before i left, and I did! I got a lot of action that last year.
Now back in the US I was a fish out of water. Nobody knew me. I was in a huge public school, guys didn't even notice me let alone compete for me. I was use to getting what I wanted from guys and needed to put in the least effort to get noticed and have no shortage of guys willing to help me orgasm in make out sessions. I was so lonely, horny, and barely could make friends let alone boyfriends. I didn't know the culture, the music, tv shows, nothing. I just couldn't fit in and I got really fucking depressed because I love getting attention.
So grade 10 states side I was in the missfit click for the first time in my life. I was depressed and horny, and pretty much had given up by Christmas. I had "friends" but they were just as bad off socially as i was. Millie was a girl in my click who also wanted to be popular. Millie was not unattractive but was a late bloomer, skinny, not shapely, and kinda boyish.
Millie knew she was gay, I did not. I get why she kept it a secret. We got very close and I still had no idea. We were like best friends, and she was my only real friend. Having no idea she was gay, i confessed to her i was horny as hell, missed sucking dick and being ate out, and even confessed how fucking depressed i was. She listened, was so supportive, and really seemed to care about me in a time I felt so alone. I felt something for her, just because she cared so much for my over all wellbeing. We were best friends, but again, around Christmas time of my first year, she we were so intense, we told each other everything (or so i thought). She was not only my best friend but the best friend I ever had. She even helped me hook up with some of her brothers friends and yeah, i got some limited action. But the whole time Millie was supportive, emotionally engaged with me, cheering me on in life, but as much as she wanted to be popular she herself never hooked up with guys even though, in our school, that was the way up the ladder.
Long story short (sorry for the book) I did a lot of sleep overs with her. One morning i woke up to her spooning me. This had never happened before. She was spooning me and hugging me affectionately. He face was aligned behind my head and when she saw i was waking she spoke softly into my ear.
Millie: Jara hun, are you still depressed.
Not knowing why she was holding me like this it felt weird but still safe and really comfortable with he holding me like this. I replied "A little. But you have really helped."
Millie: I am glad because I know what it's like to not be noticed.
Me: I guess we both do.
Millie: If I had a girlfriend I'd be okay if she saw guys.
Me: (In shock, it was all adding up) Girlfriend?
Millie: Yeah.
Me: So you're umm...
Millie: Yes.
Me: (confused) What can I do? You mean so much to me. I don't want you to ever be alone.
long pause....
Me: Millie, I want you to feel noticed. I don't know how to do for a girl.
long pause
Millie: (very emotionally) I know i should not tell you. I know you might hate me after this. Jara, forgive me, I am in love with you... (she kisses the back of my neck and i get goose bumps)... I know i have no right to tell you that... i know you like guys...
I could tell she is trying not to cry and as she keeps kissing the back of my neck my pussy is starting to tingle.... I am so confused. I don't know if i love her. I do believe she loves me, in the worst year of my life, she was always there for me, even helping me hook up to make me feel better about myself. I want her to keep kissing my neck. I am getting wetter and wetter. Her hand goes up my top and cups my breast and she ever so softly tugs on my nipple and i moan.
Millie: You don't have too. I can stop. I don't want to loose you ... Please don't hate me. I just wanted to hold you like this, touch you like this, tell you about this, even if just once. I'll stop now.
Me: ( surprised by my desires) Millie, show me how much you are in love with me. Show me now. Teach me how to love you back.
I turned to face her, she was softly crying. I pulled my top off and started kissing her face, her tears.
Me: Make love to me. Please. It's ok. I want you. I'll always want you.
It was nothing like porn would leave you to believe. Unless you have been there and really done it, i am not sure you can understand. We were making out, it was kind of like with a guy, but so much better. She knew what I felt without me needing to tell her. We kissed topless and her tiny boobs with rock hard nipples kept grazing my breast and I was so on fire. She took her time, unlike guys, she just kept making out with me kissing, touching, whispering in my ear how long she wanted me. It was so emotional. Yes, sex with Millie was always emotional and tender.
It was exactly what I wanted in bed for so long. I was getting all the attention. She was all about me and making me feel good and wanted, desired. All the boys in my old school could never collectively make me feel this great! All my depressions melted away as she made love to me. It was love not lust. It was the first time i ever felt sexually loved, whole. I was melting in her arms. It was more than sex. Millie truly loved me and how had I not seen it before? Unlike with boys I could not even tell when she stopped kissing me, or sucking my breasts, or kissing my thighs, and went to eating me out. She wasn't just eating my kitty she was literally making love to me and my kitty was just one part of how she did it. No man could ever understand this. I was orgasming over and over and her lips went from my clit, to my mouth, to my ears whispering "I love you" to my breasts, back to me pussy like it was all one fucking movement.
A whole morning passed away with her making love to me. He kept me as the center of her world, and attention, all morning. I think I feel in love with her right then and there. She loved me and I finally loved her back. Finally she was seen too. I stayed over all weekend and she taught me everything I know about making love to a woman. I gave back the same way she gave me.
Millie and I secretly were girlfriends and lovers the rest of highschool. She wanted to stay in the closet until she moved away for college. I respected that and helped her keep her secret. She wanted me to still date guys, and I did and eventually lost my virginity to one of her brothers friends. She never had any jealous when i dated or slept with guys. Partly, because it deflected people wondering if we were gay, and partly because she said what we had was different. And she wanted to be in love with who I really was not make me feel bad for not being like her. Millie was so loving and wise and always no emotional gentle and kind to me.
We stayed, unpopular in highschool to stay off the radar. She did come out of the closet in college and had many open girlfriends. I am married now to a loving husband who knows I am bi and approves of side adventures as long as they are only with women. We are not in an open marriage. He just allows me to see women . He doesn't' join in and respect and trusts me not leave him or hide it. I love him and can't believe how lucky I am that he approves and is not prevy to gross trying to join something or use it so he can get a pass. Like Millie he says he wants to love the real me.
And yeah, since someone will ask, when Millie is single we do still hook up with his permission. He stays out of it and we all hang out with no drama.
I just want any awkward girls out there still finding their sexuality to know it's ok. If you feel something, take the risk. Don't let your teenage angst rule you. More people than you think will understand.
Growing up in a large Asian urban center as a white American girl, in a private upscale Asian school, I was super popular, the center of attention and guys competed for me. All the guys wanted to mess around with me and if i am honest i was kind of an attention whore. As young as grade 9 (14ish) i was getting sexual. I had made out with boyfriends, been totally felt up, been eaten out and fingered (brought to orgasm), and given head, but had not lost my virginity (by choice). I knew my time was limited there, dad's job was changing and we'd move away so i wanted to make out with the popular and cute guys, i had crushes on, before i left, and I did! I got a lot of action that last year.
Now back in the US I was a fish out of water. Nobody knew me. I was in a huge public school, guys didn't even notice me let alone compete for me. I was use to getting what I wanted from guys and needed to put in the least effort to get noticed and have no shortage of guys willing to help me orgasm in make out sessions. I was so lonely, horny, and barely could make friends let alone boyfriends. I didn't know the culture, the music, tv shows, nothing. I just couldn't fit in and I got really fucking depressed because I love getting attention.
So grade 10 states side I was in the missfit click for the first time in my life. I was depressed and horny, and pretty much had given up by Christmas. I had "friends" but they were just as bad off socially as i was. Millie was a girl in my click who also wanted to be popular. Millie was not unattractive but was a late bloomer, skinny, not shapely, and kinda boyish.
Millie knew she was gay, I did not. I get why she kept it a secret. We got very close and I still had no idea. We were like best friends, and she was my only real friend. Having no idea she was gay, i confessed to her i was horny as hell, missed sucking dick and being ate out, and even confessed how fucking depressed i was. She listened, was so supportive, and really seemed to care about me in a time I felt so alone. I felt something for her, just because she cared so much for my over all wellbeing. We were best friends, but again, around Christmas time of my first year, she we were so intense, we told each other everything (or so i thought). She was not only my best friend but the best friend I ever had. She even helped me hook up with some of her brothers friends and yeah, i got some limited action. But the whole time Millie was supportive, emotionally engaged with me, cheering me on in life, but as much as she wanted to be popular she herself never hooked up with guys even though, in our school, that was the way up the ladder.
Long story short (sorry for the book) I did a lot of sleep overs with her. One morning i woke up to her spooning me. This had never happened before. She was spooning me and hugging me affectionately. He face was aligned behind my head and when she saw i was waking she spoke softly into my ear.
Millie: Jara hun, are you still depressed.
Not knowing why she was holding me like this it felt weird but still safe and really comfortable with he holding me like this. I replied "A little. But you have really helped."
Millie: I am glad because I know what it's like to not be noticed.
Me: I guess we both do.
Millie: If I had a girlfriend I'd be okay if she saw guys.
Me: (In shock, it was all adding up) Girlfriend?
Millie: Yeah.
Me: So you're umm...
Millie: Yes.
Me: (confused) What can I do? You mean so much to me. I don't want you to ever be alone.
long pause....
Me: Millie, I want you to feel noticed. I don't know how to do for a girl.
long pause
Millie: (very emotionally) I know i should not tell you. I know you might hate me after this. Jara, forgive me, I am in love with you... (she kisses the back of my neck and i get goose bumps)... I know i have no right to tell you that... i know you like guys...
I could tell she is trying not to cry and as she keeps kissing the back of my neck my pussy is starting to tingle.... I am so confused. I don't know if i love her. I do believe she loves me, in the worst year of my life, she was always there for me, even helping me hook up to make me feel better about myself. I want her to keep kissing my neck. I am getting wetter and wetter. Her hand goes up my top and cups my breast and she ever so softly tugs on my nipple and i moan.
Millie: You don't have too. I can stop. I don't want to loose you ... Please don't hate me. I just wanted to hold you like this, touch you like this, tell you about this, even if just once. I'll stop now.
Me: ( surprised by my desires) Millie, show me how much you are in love with me. Show me now. Teach me how to love you back.
I turned to face her, she was softly crying. I pulled my top off and started kissing her face, her tears.
Me: Make love to me. Please. It's ok. I want you. I'll always want you.
It was nothing like porn would leave you to believe. Unless you have been there and really done it, i am not sure you can understand. We were making out, it was kind of like with a guy, but so much better. She knew what I felt without me needing to tell her. We kissed topless and her tiny boobs with rock hard nipples kept grazing my breast and I was so on fire. She took her time, unlike guys, she just kept making out with me kissing, touching, whispering in my ear how long she wanted me. It was so emotional. Yes, sex with Millie was always emotional and tender.
It was exactly what I wanted in bed for so long. I was getting all the attention. She was all about me and making me feel good and wanted, desired. All the boys in my old school could never collectively make me feel this great! All my depressions melted away as she made love to me. It was love not lust. It was the first time i ever felt sexually loved, whole. I was melting in her arms. It was more than sex. Millie truly loved me and how had I not seen it before? Unlike with boys I could not even tell when she stopped kissing me, or sucking my breasts, or kissing my thighs, and went to eating me out. She wasn't just eating my kitty she was literally making love to me and my kitty was just one part of how she did it. No man could ever understand this. I was orgasming over and over and her lips went from my clit, to my mouth, to my ears whispering "I love you" to my breasts, back to me pussy like it was all one fucking movement.
A whole morning passed away with her making love to me. He kept me as the center of her world, and attention, all morning. I think I feel in love with her right then and there. She loved me and I finally loved her back. Finally she was seen too. I stayed over all weekend and she taught me everything I know about making love to a woman. I gave back the same way she gave me.
Millie and I secretly were girlfriends and lovers the rest of highschool. She wanted to stay in the closet until she moved away for college. I respected that and helped her keep her secret. She wanted me to still date guys, and I did and eventually lost my virginity to one of her brothers friends. She never had any jealous when i dated or slept with guys. Partly, because it deflected people wondering if we were gay, and partly because she said what we had was different. And she wanted to be in love with who I really was not make me feel bad for not being like her. Millie was so loving and wise and always no emotional gentle and kind to me.
We stayed, unpopular in highschool to stay off the radar. She did come out of the closet in college and had many open girlfriends. I am married now to a loving husband who knows I am bi and approves of side adventures as long as they are only with women. We are not in an open marriage. He just allows me to see women . He doesn't' join in and respect and trusts me not leave him or hide it. I love him and can't believe how lucky I am that he approves and is not prevy to gross trying to join something or use it so he can get a pass. Like Millie he says he wants to love the real me.
And yeah, since someone will ask, when Millie is single we do still hook up with his permission. He stays out of it and we all hang out with no drama.
I just want any awkward girls out there still finding their sexuality to know it's ok. If you feel something, take the risk. Don't let your teenage angst rule you. More people than you think will understand.
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