Cliche Commonplace And Twee Sex

I know this will sound cheesey right. but I masturbate just imagining being forced to give my husband pleasure and hear him say durty sexy things to me to keep me wet and my clit hard erect for him to spring off back and forward.

I just focus on him saying how much he loves it and how far I have come being able to reach a climatic level for some time before a hard good orgasm and people saying "wow , look how far she has come being able to let a man in and enjoy it and she cant say no to her husband and doesn't even care if public see her pleasuring him and herself for him til she cums.

It sounds so basic and irrelevant, but it feels so good for someone like me who has never had a husband and been assaulted and worked hard with therapists to get sexual again. and it being a conscious enjoyment and choice sex over it being a old forced r**eage. Like, I am enjoying it just thinking of this tall dark stranger as my husband and it feels good giving him my body like its my job to enjoy it for once.

I know some of you down this confusion and laugh at it but for an abused person its a big step forward.