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Funny As Fuck
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Straight Male / 35
Cup Time
So a girl at work is clumsy as fuck. She's always oblivious and frequently runs into things and even flails about as if she had a brain injury at times yet there is nothing medically wrong with her as far as anyone knows. She seems to be nice enough so I don't think she does any of these things on purpose. She is one of those kind of people who if she came to work with bruises all over her face and she said she fell down stairs nobody is going to actually think her significant other is abusing her. She truly is that clumsy.
The one thing is she also accidentally hits other people. She'll swing around and not look where she is going and WHAM! One of her arms or legs slams right into the nearest random person usually causing bruises. So I was considering wearing body armor to work when I was told I was going to be her project partner one week. The very first hour of the first day of this partnership and she swings around and BAM! her wrist slams right into my groin. I keel over and fold right up into a fetal position balling my eyes out like a baby girl. She apologizes profusely "Oh I'm so sorry, I'm such a klutz!" After a while I recover and limp back over to my work station and start looking up the price of chain mail. That afternoon she and I are in line at the cafeteria and she trips and falls forward and in an attempt to balance her self her right foot kicks backwards and where does it land? You guessed it, right smack dab in the middle of my already bruised nuts. Down I go clutching the family j*wels. Dumb as a mule and kicks like one too. This time I'm down for the count. They literally sent for a stretcher and I spent the next hour at the nurse's station and no, she's not young and sexy and no it doesn't lead to sex. In fact the very thought of getting an erection while in that pain turned my stomach.
The next day at work I think I put more effort into shopping the internet for the ultimate athletic cup than the project we were supposed to be working on. Meanwhile miss Klutz has her headphones on and is swinging and swaying to whatever music she was listening to and I was ducking and maneuvering out of her way all morning. Just about when I thought I was going to catch a break her elbow comes out of no where and somehow manages to find it's way to my seriously injured testicles. I was beginning to think she was doing this deliberately. If so her aim was deadly. I passed out from the shock of the pain and woke up in the hospital. I was there for the rest of the week. Both testicles had ruptured and had to be sewn back together. The agony was blinding and that was WITH the pain meds. I was prescribed something they told me couldn't be bought with a prescription along with anti nausea meds.
Later that evening who should show up during visiting hours? You guessed it! Miss Klutz. She was of course apologetic and despite the meds making me fuzzy headed the moment I saw her I reached for the bed pan and shoved it under the covers and clutched it protectively against my groin. Then I pulled one of the pillows behind my head and whipped around on top of that just in case. Just then, she tripped over the floor (yes she proved it is possible to trip over a perfectly smooth flat unobstructed floor) fell face forward and slammed her face down into the pillow. She then tumbled onto the floor snagging wires from the vital signs monitor yanking the pulse ox from my finger and setting off the alarm at the nurse's station while tangling herself up in the IV and when she tried to get up she knocked over the IV stand yanking the needle out of my arm. When the nurse got into the room she took one look then looked at me and said "her?" I nodded. That's when the head nurse came in and after a brief exchange a wheelchair was brought in, Miss Klutz helped into the wheelchair and they rolled her out before she accidentally killed me.
I finally returned to work on Monday and yes wearing an athletic cup along with a hard hat, knee and elbow pads and I brought a few pillows to place as a barrier between our work stations. But to show I had a sense of humor despite still being in pain and limping around, I sported a custom made T-Shirt that read "BY BUSTING MY BALLS, YOU CONSENT TO BEING GROPED!" That actually required about 20 minutes of explanation to my project partner. She giggled awkwardly but I wasn't sure she even got it. Then came lunch. This time I made sure she got in line behind me at the cafeteria. Everything was going well, she and I both had our trays of food and were headed to the tables and I think I had a good ten feet head start. I put my tray on the table and I started to gingerly maneuver into a seat when she fell forward and somehow got the tray angled in such away as to slam it right between my thighs and jam the corner into my balls from behind. I slumped to the floor and it was lights out again.
Two weeks later I returned to work with a cast completely engulfing my whole mid section from waist to thigh with only two openings. I could barely walk at all. I begged my boss to re-assign one of us. She said no and seemed like she thought my injuries were all my fault. I suppose they are since I never chose to quit my job like a smart person would have. So I got back to my work station this time with a three inch partition between us. She rolled her chair around bypassing the partition and I turned around and put my arms up defensively and then out of the blue she pulled off her top to reveal she had on no bra, looked me in the eyes and smiled and said "I believe I agreed to you groping me!" as she started to undo her skirt.
The one thing is she also accidentally hits other people. She'll swing around and not look where she is going and WHAM! One of her arms or legs slams right into the nearest random person usually causing bruises. So I was considering wearing body armor to work when I was told I was going to be her project partner one week. The very first hour of the first day of this partnership and she swings around and BAM! her wrist slams right into my groin. I keel over and fold right up into a fetal position balling my eyes out like a baby girl. She apologizes profusely "Oh I'm so sorry, I'm such a klutz!" After a while I recover and limp back over to my work station and start looking up the price of chain mail. That afternoon she and I are in line at the cafeteria and she trips and falls forward and in an attempt to balance her self her right foot kicks backwards and where does it land? You guessed it, right smack dab in the middle of my already bruised nuts. Down I go clutching the family j*wels. Dumb as a mule and kicks like one too. This time I'm down for the count. They literally sent for a stretcher and I spent the next hour at the nurse's station and no, she's not young and sexy and no it doesn't lead to sex. In fact the very thought of getting an erection while in that pain turned my stomach.
The next day at work I think I put more effort into shopping the internet for the ultimate athletic cup than the project we were supposed to be working on. Meanwhile miss Klutz has her headphones on and is swinging and swaying to whatever music she was listening to and I was ducking and maneuvering out of her way all morning. Just about when I thought I was going to catch a break her elbow comes out of no where and somehow manages to find it's way to my seriously injured testicles. I was beginning to think she was doing this deliberately. If so her aim was deadly. I passed out from the shock of the pain and woke up in the hospital. I was there for the rest of the week. Both testicles had ruptured and had to be sewn back together. The agony was blinding and that was WITH the pain meds. I was prescribed something they told me couldn't be bought with a prescription along with anti nausea meds.
Later that evening who should show up during visiting hours? You guessed it! Miss Klutz. She was of course apologetic and despite the meds making me fuzzy headed the moment I saw her I reached for the bed pan and shoved it under the covers and clutched it protectively against my groin. Then I pulled one of the pillows behind my head and whipped around on top of that just in case. Just then, she tripped over the floor (yes she proved it is possible to trip over a perfectly smooth flat unobstructed floor) fell face forward and slammed her face down into the pillow. She then tumbled onto the floor snagging wires from the vital signs monitor yanking the pulse ox from my finger and setting off the alarm at the nurse's station while tangling herself up in the IV and when she tried to get up she knocked over the IV stand yanking the needle out of my arm. When the nurse got into the room she took one look then looked at me and said "her?" I nodded. That's when the head nurse came in and after a brief exchange a wheelchair was brought in, Miss Klutz helped into the wheelchair and they rolled her out before she accidentally killed me.
I finally returned to work on Monday and yes wearing an athletic cup along with a hard hat, knee and elbow pads and I brought a few pillows to place as a barrier between our work stations. But to show I had a sense of humor despite still being in pain and limping around, I sported a custom made T-Shirt that read "BY BUSTING MY BALLS, YOU CONSENT TO BEING GROPED!" That actually required about 20 minutes of explanation to my project partner. She giggled awkwardly but I wasn't sure she even got it. Then came lunch. This time I made sure she got in line behind me at the cafeteria. Everything was going well, she and I both had our trays of food and were headed to the tables and I think I had a good ten feet head start. I put my tray on the table and I started to gingerly maneuver into a seat when she fell forward and somehow got the tray angled in such away as to slam it right between my thighs and jam the corner into my balls from behind. I slumped to the floor and it was lights out again.
Two weeks later I returned to work with a cast completely engulfing my whole mid section from waist to thigh with only two openings. I could barely walk at all. I begged my boss to re-assign one of us. She said no and seemed like she thought my injuries were all my fault. I suppose they are since I never chose to quit my job like a smart person would have. So I got back to my work station this time with a three inch partition between us. She rolled her chair around bypassing the partition and I turned around and put my arms up defensively and then out of the blue she pulled off her top to reveal she had on no bra, looked me in the eyes and smiled and said "I believe I agreed to you groping me!" as she started to undo her skirt.
