My First MMF - The Aftermath

Hi everyone. If you have followed my posts, you know that I told my husband (the night he brought my me flowers). Tuesday was my birthday and while it seemed like I didn’t deserve anything, my husband took me to dinner.

When we sat down, he gave me a g*ft. Inside the g*ft box was a notebook. Inside he wrote about our wedding day. That day was perfect. His writing proceeded to reminded me of the elevator ride in the hotel after all of our guests had gone home. The ride, as reminded to me, included an African American bellhop, who helped us carry some of our things from the reception. My husband tipped him 150.00 for the two trips he helped us make - because I convinced him to. He also noted how I looked at the man, remembering how I was overly friendly and hugely thankful for his help. He noted he caught my wondering eye countless times and, in some occasions, thought I was sleeping around. When I got my last promotion, he did not understand how I had gotten it. I had moved up so fast, it seemed like other powers were at play. All of the signs were there, but nothing concrete until now. But he noted that all of the men ‘in question’ are African American. After a couple of blank pages, he included a picture of me on our wedding night. He wrote a caption: ‘this was the first day of the rest of our lives (like our wedding vows) and that still lives today.’ There was nothing else in the book, so I put it down and started crying.

FYI: Nobody knows my husband like I do, with the exception of his mom. I know this was genuine.

He grabs my hand and he says to me, so my mom apparently feels like I am part of the blame here. When I talked to my mom about this situation, basically she said you treated Allison like she was your child and NEVER as an equal (your partner, wife, lover). And remember when she got the promotion and you were not happy for her???? And remember when she was anointed the ‘favorite grandchild’ by grandma even though she has eight others? You got truly pissed off. Basically, get over yourself and realize you could have stopped this before it even started.

I was like wow, okay.

He said he his sister talked as well. And his sister said the same things. Basically, my husband came up with that he was an asshole.

We closed the restaurant that night with the understanding that he would be a better husband and (as our vows said) that we would both include each other in whatever ‘ride’ we wanted to go on. The other person did not always have to take the ride, but the ride would never be denied.

So in the end, neither of us did the right thing. Neither of us were completely honest and righteous and good - in general and to each other. I do not know how he will feel about me going on a sexual ride every now and then (or becoming a ‘qos’ (look it up if you do not know what it is) for good. But it seems as though this ended (at the very least) with us hearing things for the first time and knowing our communication needs to be better.

As for my sexual desires, I am not sure if my husband will satisfy me anymore. I know his penis is not big enough for my needs and his personality in bed isn’t what I desire. I know I need a cock (not a penis) and an aggressive man or men to satisfy the emptiness inside of my c**t. I am not a bad person for having that desire and he is not a bad person for not being able to fulfill that desire - and we both understand that now. I just know I have a desire that continuously burns hot. The only way to quell the fire is to be thoroughly fucked good, deep, long and to be taken. I know this will only quell the burning desire, as it is ALWAYS there and always needs an outlet.

I will keep everyone posted as this progresses.