A Girl With A Past

Back when I was in college I hung out with some weed smokers. And sellers. I was in the back room of the house, where the college party weed packets were put together. The cops busted in, there was a whole lot of weed in the house, money, distribution packets stacked by dollar value, $5, $10, $20, etc. They came prepared with a transport vehicle for the ride downtown. They had me on a sale of weed at a college party to a minor, undercover, on film. Guilty, I got 5 years. My lawyer, paid for by a friend who I slept with, got my community service and probation, as it was my first offense.

22, scared shitless, broke, I agreed to be supported, get my act cleaned up, do my community service, do the housewife role, but he wouldn't marry me. It took two years, 24 then, before I broke and agreed to let him get me pregnant, in return for the ring. By the time I was thirty I had 3 kids. I was nailed to the wall, stuck in a marriage to a man I am no longer sure I ever loved.

I live in a small neighborhood, have other mom friends, and I'm considered a model mom. My record prevents me from working as a teacher, and my husband says to not do babysitting either, not worth the risk. Plus I don't want to work. I can't get motivated to do anything outside the home. I think I have motivational issues because of the weed I smoked back in college. And I can't let my record become public, it will ruin me and my kids, so yes I also suffer from paranoia.

That's my confession, a convict, a reformed weed addict, a less than suitable neighbor or friend, with a past and a secret I don't dare let be known.