Not Sure, But Kind Of Ok With It!

My wife and I had an AMAZING sex life for the first 30 years of our marriage. I mean, dirty pics, posting her naked online, threesomes with men and women... the really adventurous stuff and we were both great with all of it.

Five years ago we hit a rough patch that actually had nothing to do with us. It was like fate said "nope" every time we had sex.
We have sex, we're in bed at the end and get a call to come bail out our kid for DUI.
We have sex, grandma takes a fall and is on her way to the hospital.
Every time we had sex, something bad happened before we could even get our clothes on. And I'm being serious, this was every time.

We quit having sex for awhile and when everything calmed down and nothing could possibly go wrong, we got a room and gave it another shot. My best friend dropped dead of a heart attack and no one could reach me, and that shoe dropping was the one that caused my brain to say "fuck it".

I haven't been able to get it up for 3 years now. We've tried, and I just know there's a shoe waiting to drop. I can half-way get it up to jerk off, but getting hard enough to fuck my wife is a no-go because I know deep down that something horrible will happen. I've explained all this to her and she knows and understands.

She absolutely is the love of my life and my best friend. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her and we're not having problems, and we love spending time together. We're always together except when we're at work.

About three months ago she got a text from a male co-worker and deleted it after she answered it, which was odd because she has texts from other male coworkers that she doesn't delete. I caught it happening a couple of times and checked her phone while she was away, and his texts are the only ones she's deleting. There's been a couple of times that she's answered a text and leaned back in her chair with her screen turned away from me, which is a BIG red flag.

I know this guy is happily married and got a daughter, but I'm wondering if they've got something going on after everyone else is leaving the office, and I'm only fairly certain that he's the reason she comes home an hour late with the usual excuses.

You know, she's my best "everything" and our marriage is still amazing even without the sex. We've had the threesomes and had great times, and I actually wouldn't object to her having a FWB to satisfy that need since I can't.

I know she's keeping a secret, but I don't know EXACTLY what it is. It's the "not knowing" that's the cheating to me, and I have to figure out how to have this talk with her. If there's feelings there, I do get it and we'll figure it out even if it breaks us up. And if it's just sex, I'll actually support her as long as she's honest with me and asks if she can go play with him once in awhile.

This is the hard part and I'm ready to get it out of the way and get some honesty back, whatever that ends up being.