Seriously Questioning My Place In The Big Order

As with most of my peers, I play the misogynist card when it's convenient. I've been promoted, in part because the company needs more women in positions of responsibility. I was never 'better' than the men, I was a woman so I got promoted. The truth is I am less qualified than my male subordinates. To make matters worse, I let a subordinate strip me naked and fuck me.

I'm not a prude, or inexperienced, although my experience came when I was younger and the men held positions above me. Those sex sessions felt 'right', when I let my subordinate fuck me it felt 'wrong'. To cover for my technical deficiency I have become less available and send my subordinate to the meetings, and he briefs me later.

I met a man at a bar the other night, definitely older than me, I invited him in and he 'put me in my place' until I gave in and he had 'his way with me', sucking him from the doggy position. In the morning I sat him at the head of the table and fixed him breakfast. Going back to my early advise about men, feed them if you expect a repeat performance. That's my place, where I feel aligned.

This man, he's older and works as store manager for an exterminator company, isn't what I'm supposed to look for, but he's a 'man' the way men were growing up. I'm not getting younger, I need a 'man' in my life, one that is older. I also decided to ask my boss to switch me with my much more qualified subordinate, he refused to switch me, but he slipped and told me that's why he assigned me that subordinate.