Straight Female / 29
I Still Have A Hard Time Delivering Myself Entirely
I went through a phase, from around 16 to 26 when I hated men. My father, granted a good provider, had a lover who worked for him as a dental assistant. My mother threatened to leave him over and over and he told her that he never asked her to leave the church so she had no business asking him to give up his lover. Of course she was never referred to as his lover, my mother had other names for her and my father called her by her name.
My mother couldn't leave, she was trapped. He made all the money and she stayed home. She did have a realtor's license but she didn't work. She was a church woman, and forced my sister and me to go to church with her. Also a reason why once I was in college I never went to church.
One day, any day, I was still in high school and my sister was home my mother found a credit card in my father's wallet that he used for his girlfriend. She called the bank and demanded that she be allowed to see what was on the credit card, but she wasn't a signatory so she was shut out. But the girlfriend was a signatory. My father was denying my mother money, he said because she gave it to the church, she said because he spent all the money on that b****.
We went to the beach the summer I graduated from college. My father insisted on bringing his girlfriend. My mother was beside herself and he insisted on having sex with her in that small house where you could hear everything. My sister and I heard him have sex with her, asking her to do this and that (sexual stuff). But my mother had no choice but to put with her and cook and have her sit at the table with us. And then go back to the bedroom where my father got his 'just desert'.
During the day she wore a string bikini. String is the operative word. I had never seen a woman up close like that, every little bit of her was visible. My father took her in his arms one afternoon out on the deck, cupping her 'tits' like a two cent whore, my mother's words for it. My mother hated her but she had to cook and make the beds. And she left her underwear on the bathroom floor.
On that holiday we also witnessed my father take my mother to the bedroom and make her his wife, which she was. Door open because it didn't catch when he shut it. My father's girlfriend shut the door and asked if we agreed with sex. A man wants sex, that's what she said, and if you don't give him sex, he goes and finds it. I hated men at that point. My sister agreed with my father's girlfriend, just give him sex and all the drama goes away, and my mother stopped giving him sex when she got involved with the church. My sister did not have a problem with my father's girlfriend.
In college, I went away to college, I joined a women's empowerment group. I wanted to know how to keep a man from having sex like that with you. The NO word came up all the time, but NO doesn't mean no when a man wants to have sex, he brushes it aside like a pesky fly. My mother could testify. I tried to belong to the group, and went out with one of the girls. But when it came to her touching me and everything I froze. It's not that I didn't like her. I just froze. I told her I had never had intimacy of any kind but she knew I was turned off by her.
That was the end of any sexual activities and I graduated and went to work for a non profit. All women, 80 percent lesbians. I wasn't so I did my job but wasn't part of their 'group'. By then I had been solely around lesbians for six years, my four and half years in college and my year and half working for the non profit.
In my apartment complex, I had a second story unit, a man moved in next door. He came over to introduce himself, found out I was single so he came over for me to cook. He brought the steaks, but I cooked. He wanted me to do his laundry. I found myself washing dishes while he watched television. When he grabbed me and pulled me to him, I tried to get away. I said NO loud and clear. He put me down on the couch and told me to settle down. I decided to freeze on him. I went into a stiff board position and resisted while he pulled my pants off and unbuttoned my shirt. He told me it was useless to resist, he was getting 'his' and he was tired of me ignoring him. I got 'it' laying on my stomach, my defense position, the hard way. He got 'his', but not the way he wanted it.
From then on he took me grocery shopping and I figured out the menus and cooked all meals. On laundry day he came over to keep me company while I sorted and washed and dried and folded and ironed shirts. At night, after he watched television, he laid me on my bed and got 'his' before he went to sleep.
At that point I thought about my mother and church. But if I didn't 'give' him sex he was going to find another girl. So I gave him sex.
My mother couldn't leave, she was trapped. He made all the money and she stayed home. She did have a realtor's license but she didn't work. She was a church woman, and forced my sister and me to go to church with her. Also a reason why once I was in college I never went to church.
One day, any day, I was still in high school and my sister was home my mother found a credit card in my father's wallet that he used for his girlfriend. She called the bank and demanded that she be allowed to see what was on the credit card, but she wasn't a signatory so she was shut out. But the girlfriend was a signatory. My father was denying my mother money, he said because she gave it to the church, she said because he spent all the money on that b****.
We went to the beach the summer I graduated from college. My father insisted on bringing his girlfriend. My mother was beside herself and he insisted on having sex with her in that small house where you could hear everything. My sister and I heard him have sex with her, asking her to do this and that (sexual stuff). But my mother had no choice but to put with her and cook and have her sit at the table with us. And then go back to the bedroom where my father got his 'just desert'.
During the day she wore a string bikini. String is the operative word. I had never seen a woman up close like that, every little bit of her was visible. My father took her in his arms one afternoon out on the deck, cupping her 'tits' like a two cent whore, my mother's words for it. My mother hated her but she had to cook and make the beds. And she left her underwear on the bathroom floor.
On that holiday we also witnessed my father take my mother to the bedroom and make her his wife, which she was. Door open because it didn't catch when he shut it. My father's girlfriend shut the door and asked if we agreed with sex. A man wants sex, that's what she said, and if you don't give him sex, he goes and finds it. I hated men at that point. My sister agreed with my father's girlfriend, just give him sex and all the drama goes away, and my mother stopped giving him sex when she got involved with the church. My sister did not have a problem with my father's girlfriend.
In college, I went away to college, I joined a women's empowerment group. I wanted to know how to keep a man from having sex like that with you. The NO word came up all the time, but NO doesn't mean no when a man wants to have sex, he brushes it aside like a pesky fly. My mother could testify. I tried to belong to the group, and went out with one of the girls. But when it came to her touching me and everything I froze. It's not that I didn't like her. I just froze. I told her I had never had intimacy of any kind but she knew I was turned off by her.
That was the end of any sexual activities and I graduated and went to work for a non profit. All women, 80 percent lesbians. I wasn't so I did my job but wasn't part of their 'group'. By then I had been solely around lesbians for six years, my four and half years in college and my year and half working for the non profit.
In my apartment complex, I had a second story unit, a man moved in next door. He came over to introduce himself, found out I was single so he came over for me to cook. He brought the steaks, but I cooked. He wanted me to do his laundry. I found myself washing dishes while he watched television. When he grabbed me and pulled me to him, I tried to get away. I said NO loud and clear. He put me down on the couch and told me to settle down. I decided to freeze on him. I went into a stiff board position and resisted while he pulled my pants off and unbuttoned my shirt. He told me it was useless to resist, he was getting 'his' and he was tired of me ignoring him. I got 'it' laying on my stomach, my defense position, the hard way. He got 'his', but not the way he wanted it.
From then on he took me grocery shopping and I figured out the menus and cooked all meals. On laundry day he came over to keep me company while I sorted and washed and dried and folded and ironed shirts. At night, after he watched television, he laid me on my bed and got 'his' before he went to sleep.
At that point I thought about my mother and church. But if I didn't 'give' him sex he was going to find another girl. So I gave him sex.
