Lesbian Female / 36
Baby Steps, Baby Steps
OK, so it turns out I'm a dike. But when I was a kid I was a strong headed Tom boy who scared off boys. In college I met a grad student who dismissed my rejections out of hand and 'forced' himself on me and I became pregnant. My mother's reaction 'you got knocked up? you? well, welcome to the club'. Only then, after wiping my teers, did we sit down and contemplate the consequences. Her advise was to be nice to him, keep my mouth shut, and maybe he would like me enough to marry me.
Time went by fast, I had the baby, my mom took care of the baby while I went to school. I had to return home, and change schools. With the baby here he came to town to examine the baby, it is his, and sign the birth certificate and set up a financial responsibility agreement. After my lawyer, a friend of the family, set up the agreement he concluded he might as well get married, at least he would get his laundry done. We got married, he had graduated and went to work, I stayed home and went to school. And found up I was pregnant again (setting me up for Irish twins).
Only after I finished school did I do his laundry, while I went to law school. I lived in a world, very dominant husband, law school and day care. Sex was expected, but if he was out of town for a week, for me it was a week off. I finished law school, got a job with a law firm, they sent me to get a masters in tax, I became a tax attorney to multinational clients. My girls were teenagers.
I met Amy. She was a 32 and an unapologetic lesbian. One day, I asked her the loaded question, 'what's it like being a lesbian?' We spent the next four hours talking, histories, feelings, how and why I got married, my girls. She agreed to 'date' me. We tried our first kiss. We had intimate sex, my nature was immediate, I didn't think about my husband while having sex. Over the next year I fell deeper and deeper in love with Amy, Amy wanted us to live together. She agreed to abide by my husbands decision.
My girls opposed it, 'how can you tell us this? Does Daddy know?' My husband sat back and listened, he proposed a trial romance of a year. Only after a year did he give us permission to move in together. My girls did not.
It turns out I'm a dike. Not something Amy didn't know. Intimacy is so good, precious really. Living together is natural. My husband won't let us live unsupported. We know better than to argue with him. In our situation, arrangement for his permission, is that he is 'the husband' and we agreed to it. Amy incredibly dovetailed into it, she likes him and his overtone on our lives doesn't bother her. My girls is a more difficult situation, they clearly want things to return to normal and I hear 'how can you do this to Daddy?' often enough.
But I'm a dike and for the first time in my life I'm truly in love and want to stay in bed in the morning. My husband is my husband, and I'm his wife, and that can never change. And my girls have to accept that. Tomorrow, or the day after is another day. Today, I'm learning what I've known since I was twelve.
Time went by fast, I had the baby, my mom took care of the baby while I went to school. I had to return home, and change schools. With the baby here he came to town to examine the baby, it is his, and sign the birth certificate and set up a financial responsibility agreement. After my lawyer, a friend of the family, set up the agreement he concluded he might as well get married, at least he would get his laundry done. We got married, he had graduated and went to work, I stayed home and went to school. And found up I was pregnant again (setting me up for Irish twins).
Only after I finished school did I do his laundry, while I went to law school. I lived in a world, very dominant husband, law school and day care. Sex was expected, but if he was out of town for a week, for me it was a week off. I finished law school, got a job with a law firm, they sent me to get a masters in tax, I became a tax attorney to multinational clients. My girls were teenagers.
I met Amy. She was a 32 and an unapologetic lesbian. One day, I asked her the loaded question, 'what's it like being a lesbian?' We spent the next four hours talking, histories, feelings, how and why I got married, my girls. She agreed to 'date' me. We tried our first kiss. We had intimate sex, my nature was immediate, I didn't think about my husband while having sex. Over the next year I fell deeper and deeper in love with Amy, Amy wanted us to live together. She agreed to abide by my husbands decision.
My girls opposed it, 'how can you tell us this? Does Daddy know?' My husband sat back and listened, he proposed a trial romance of a year. Only after a year did he give us permission to move in together. My girls did not.
It turns out I'm a dike. Not something Amy didn't know. Intimacy is so good, precious really. Living together is natural. My husband won't let us live unsupported. We know better than to argue with him. In our situation, arrangement for his permission, is that he is 'the husband' and we agreed to it. Amy incredibly dovetailed into it, she likes him and his overtone on our lives doesn't bother her. My girls is a more difficult situation, they clearly want things to return to normal and I hear 'how can you do this to Daddy?' often enough.
But I'm a dike and for the first time in my life I'm truly in love and want to stay in bed in the morning. My husband is my husband, and I'm his wife, and that can never change. And my girls have to accept that. Tomorrow, or the day after is another day. Today, I'm learning what I've known since I was twelve.
