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Men Only
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Straight Male / 36
I Have A Problem With Definition And I Can't Seem To Get It Across
I title this Looking for Help in all the Wrong Places. It pretty much describes me as I went through the acceptance process that I liked having male to male sex. I have never described it as GAY sex, as it is really more of a fetish. It is in my opinion, no different than the men that find sex with a whore pleasurable. In any event, finding someone to talk to about it has been impossible, whenever I have opened up I am immediately labeled Gay and in denial.
I discovered sex early on, as a school boy. I presume that it isn't really a new thing, it was with another school boy and we played with our penis and touched each other. This occurred during sleepovers. Somehow our play ended with him on my back and me enjoying him riding me. We did rub naked penis on naked anus but never any penetration, but I can tell you I wanted penetration and he wanted penetration, we just never managed it and we were both frustrated about it.
Later after puberty, we had pubes and our dicks were larger and it was time to get down to business and suck dick. I had a great hunger to suck his dick, I would lay on his bed with my hands over his dick in his pants and beg him to let me get his dick out to suck. It never ended easily, once he got aroused and hard he wanted more, and I let him get on my back and hump my ass, he shoved his dick at me but it wasn't until we discovered his mother's hand cream that we managed to actually have sexual intercourse and he came in buckets. I had also cum but had not noticed it until I lifted myself up. In a word it was glorious, it stands out as one of my most thrilling memories of my days growing up.
In school we had a standard, those that fucked were not gay, those that got fucked were gay. If you got down on your knees to suck cock you were gay, if you opened your zipper to have your cock sucked you weren't gay. In part that's why I was labeled gay at school. But, and I have to clear this up, I never had an emotional involvement with it, I loved it, but didn't love him. Far from it. My night wet dreams were with girls and I was hungry to kiss a girl and fuck her. And when I did I liked it and I was very jealous of her, some would say today I was controlling.
I had my first experience with a grown man before I finished high school, a casual discussion with a Sunday school teacher and I kept looking at his dick in his pants and he asked me if I wanted to touch. He fucked me in a room behind the library and we swore never to tell. It changed me forever, from then on I wanted sex with a man, a grown man, with facial hair and hairy arms and legs and a harry ass and a hairy cock. I man with a hairy chest and arms and beer belly was much more attractive to me than a man in a suit and well shaven. It's what I wanted, it was those men that I looked at with hunger, big men, heavy men, hairy men.
And that hasn't changed after these twenty years. I'm a sucker for a bleu collar type with a beer belly. Truck drivers come to mind, also construction workers, garage mechanics, men with dirty fingernails, men who want their cocks sucked. I'm their cock sucker. It's a passion, it's a habit, it's fetish. But not once in all these years have I been emotionally attached to a man, only women, and I fall in love hard. I am controlling, it's my nature, I don't want her to be able to find interest in another man.
I hold out that in spite of the fact that I'm searching for hard men who fucks men, to fuck me, to have me suck them until they cum in my mouth and face. I want a man to hold me down, force his hunger on me, I want it, desire it and am sexually hungry for it. But in spite of that I am not gay.
I discovered sex early on, as a school boy. I presume that it isn't really a new thing, it was with another school boy and we played with our penis and touched each other. This occurred during sleepovers. Somehow our play ended with him on my back and me enjoying him riding me. We did rub naked penis on naked anus but never any penetration, but I can tell you I wanted penetration and he wanted penetration, we just never managed it and we were both frustrated about it.
Later after puberty, we had pubes and our dicks were larger and it was time to get down to business and suck dick. I had a great hunger to suck his dick, I would lay on his bed with my hands over his dick in his pants and beg him to let me get his dick out to suck. It never ended easily, once he got aroused and hard he wanted more, and I let him get on my back and hump my ass, he shoved his dick at me but it wasn't until we discovered his mother's hand cream that we managed to actually have sexual intercourse and he came in buckets. I had also cum but had not noticed it until I lifted myself up. In a word it was glorious, it stands out as one of my most thrilling memories of my days growing up.
In school we had a standard, those that fucked were not gay, those that got fucked were gay. If you got down on your knees to suck cock you were gay, if you opened your zipper to have your cock sucked you weren't gay. In part that's why I was labeled gay at school. But, and I have to clear this up, I never had an emotional involvement with it, I loved it, but didn't love him. Far from it. My night wet dreams were with girls and I was hungry to kiss a girl and fuck her. And when I did I liked it and I was very jealous of her, some would say today I was controlling.
I had my first experience with a grown man before I finished high school, a casual discussion with a Sunday school teacher and I kept looking at his dick in his pants and he asked me if I wanted to touch. He fucked me in a room behind the library and we swore never to tell. It changed me forever, from then on I wanted sex with a man, a grown man, with facial hair and hairy arms and legs and a harry ass and a hairy cock. I man with a hairy chest and arms and beer belly was much more attractive to me than a man in a suit and well shaven. It's what I wanted, it was those men that I looked at with hunger, big men, heavy men, hairy men.
And that hasn't changed after these twenty years. I'm a sucker for a bleu collar type with a beer belly. Truck drivers come to mind, also construction workers, garage mechanics, men with dirty fingernails, men who want their cocks sucked. I'm their cock sucker. It's a passion, it's a habit, it's fetish. But not once in all these years have I been emotionally attached to a man, only women, and I fall in love hard. I am controlling, it's my nature, I don't want her to be able to find interest in another man.
I hold out that in spite of the fact that I'm searching for hard men who fucks men, to fuck me, to have me suck them until they cum in my mouth and face. I want a man to hold me down, force his hunger on me, I want it, desire it and am sexually hungry for it. But in spite of that I am not gay.
