I Truly Believe I Was Never Gay

At a party when I was 13 an older boy forces me into sex, with penetration. When I was growing up if you were penetrated then you were gay. After that party I was gay and, we said queer then, and finished growing up like that. Over the years before I graduated from high school several older boys had sex with me.

I was sent to the army to man up. In the army everyone was new and a stranger and I spent four years, stationed in Germany and Korea without any homosexual activity. After the army I went to a trade school to become a machinist and moved to the Bay area to work in the aeronautic industry. Again, it happened, forced to accept penetration.

I decided that I must be gay, and accepted that role and have lived as a gay man all these years.

Retired in 2020 living in a small community in upstate New York, where I grew up, I'm remembered as that queer kid. In my whole life I've never had feelings for another man. My high school crush still lives here, she is widowed and that crush is back.