Out Of Africa, Where Life Is A Thread And Your Biology Rules

What drove me to do what I did I still don't know. Youth, exuberance, innocence or naiveté, the desire to just go, I don't really know. I went, I had money, being of that generation where my grandfather left me trust fund for after I turned 25, well I was 27 and I had my trusty trust fund to bankroll me. I mapped out a trip, where to go, an American girls in the prime of life. Tallish, buxom, benefiting from good dentistry, blonde and blue eyed. I fit right in, in Michigan. I did not know what I were doing.

My first stop was Mexico. I hadn't yet learned to read signals, faces, voice patterns. I paid and I got, but I was watched. The very first hotel experience should have warned me. Then into Central America, Mexico times 10 as far as being watched. I started to notice the looks, the stares, the stone cold faces. They took my money, but I was never welcome. Then South America, a bit better, but I think because I had learned to moderate our behavior. I had a story, I was researching life in South America for book. I should have paid attention, no one, not one single time, invited me into a home. I was the object to collect dollars from, but that's where it ended. Only once, in Peru did I get uninvited advice. Don't go there, a women alone. If you don't have a man who owns you, he literally said that, and can protect you don't go. It was a warning. But I too stup!d to understand.

I thought about Europe, too touristy. The Far East, again would be tourist in heavily traveled cities, Singapore, Bangkok. China, don't go there. The Middle East, what for. Then Africa? Let's go on a safari.

I went on a Safari, three days at a time in the bush. I had to be soo careful. It wore on me. But the camps were small and it was the first opportunities to sit with other people. One table had a man alone, from everywhere, an ex military, rich man, who got what he wanted when he wanted. The way he wanted. They sat me with him. He got my smell in his nose.

That night he was the lion, I was his prey. No, I didn't enjoy it, I walked away with sperm inside me. With every step I took I was about to conceive, or had already conceived. But the wild ruled and just to reinforce my conception he struck again and again. Take this, and this, and this. Every step of my trip from then on monitored, followed, directed. No literal collar and chain, but a definite collar and chain. My smell in his nose, he owned me. I just had to learn it.

I was sent home to roost. To get big and fat and, to prepare for the upcoming birth. Your body no longer yours, taken over by forces that you cannot control. It drove a wedge between me and my girlfriend growing up. This is very contagious stuff. What if he smelled her and her smell was in his nose, she was ideal for him to deposit his sperm. Drawn to him like a moth to a light I fell back and took his sperm and conceived for him. Would this be her fate too? If she was around him? I could not break the spell. I can not break the spell. The man in Peru was right, you can't go anywhere without a man to protect you. Not in that world. And that man has every right to you. That's the contract you enter into. And you cannot break it.

I didn't catch Malaria, or dysentery, or any other life threatening disease. What I did catch I had no protection against, and there is no cure. The man from Peru would tell me, if he could, you can only learn to live with it. I learned a lesson, out there where things are raw and nature rules, you cannot run away from your biology, it's overpowering when it needs to be. His smell is in my nose too. I literally stood and held my baby and presented her to him. Look, this miracle, this life, I made for you. I should write a book.